Just reporting back. Kids have been telling me what their dad has planned for them when he has then next. He is taking them to a theme park! I know I shouldn't be bothered about it but I am because now he is doing all the things I knew he was capable of but without me as part of the family. It really hurts, I have so long waited for him to put his kids and me first before his job and leisure activities. I feel it's not fair. I should be happy for the kids as he is so much better but it's sour for me as I feel i adequate and a bad mother! I feel that my kids truly prefers to be with their dad not me!
Also first time in ages that he isn't arguing with me regarding school expenses! Honestly why does it hurt so much? I'm nearly 19 months since separation and should be feeling better but my mind is in consistent conflict with my heart! I should believe that we are truly over (as his actions don't seem to prove otherwise, and I think he has me hoping because OW isn't near my kids, nor as he filed), but my heart says don't give up.
Don't understand why I can feel high and low a lot of time. My life is better as I go out a lot, I'm about to get a payrise and don't leave in fear of walking on eggshells, so why am I feeling this way?
