Hi all, figured it was time for a bit of an update. I have been following some threads here and there, sorry for not commenting but have taken the last month to really find a good place for myself. There has still been the odd moment of 'how did I get into this mess' thoughts but much further apart than several months ago.

So what's been happening the last month... I felt like I have completely let go, I feel good about the direction I going. Have been out with the meetup group I joined several times and have even started organising some of the activities. I have come to the feeling, rightly or wrongly, that although I still love my W I want someone that will do amazing things for me like I will do for them. Looking back over our years, that isn't who she is. I will not close the door on my marriage but I have come to the thoughts that she is someone that just hasn't got the capacity of self reflection. Maybe some day she will but I'm not going to wait around doing nothing to see if she does.

I am not looking to begin a new relationship but I also don't want to, potentially, miss out on someone either. I have met someone else at the meetup group and have hung out a couple of times after the activity although one of those times was at the hospital after she slipped on some stairs hitting her back pretty hard. I have been out with the group of families that we both know, I had the kids that day so I went with them. W was invited also but didn't go, she actually seems to be avoiding dealing with me in person. I hadn't seen some of them for quite awhile but everyone was saying how good I looked and how I seemed to be. I didn't talk about W, some asked and had told me they had seen W in town occasionally, telling me she looks terrible, I just replied that that is up to her, not my concern right now.

Had a meeting with the bank a couple of weeks ago, when my tax code gets changed in the new year it makes a big difference to my income and I will be able to take over the house.

In terms of interaction with W, something seemed to shift the past couple of weeks. I have not lingered or tried to talk to her, contact only when needed. Son had a soccer tournament a couple of weeks ago that I went to even though kids were not with me that weekend. When she arrived at the meetup, she beckoned me to come to her to say something, I didn't bother so she came over to me. At the soccer, D3 waited and held my hand so W tried to get S7 to hold her hand but he wouldn't. I spent most of the time just playing with son and being with his team. I made no attempt to initiate any conversation with W. At the end, D3 wanted on my shoulders as son was getting his medal, W lingered just behind my shoulder. She is back to emailing me late at night and seems to be getting annoyed when I don't respond. It doesn't bother me in the slightest anymore how she wants to react.