I guess the issue is I don't know how to separate finances without it seeming like I am asking for a D.
You don't get it. If she is wayward, the last thing you need to relay is that she can do whatever and you still won't divorce her! Stop being afraid of it. You really have to toughen up or she will make a fool out of you.......while you are financing it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
