In my case, it took actually filing for D for things to begin to turn around. Separating your finances is not what will cause a D to happen. It is her A that will cause a D to happen unless you decide you are ok living in an open marriage. Right now, you are a great back up plan for her. She hasn't lost anything yet. If you separate your finances, she will she that she is losing you and the plans that the two of you had for the future. Do you want to be her plan B? If not, take your toys (and half your finances) and leave. Go work on yourself and let her see that she is losing you if she doesn't get her $h!t together.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
