My genuine concern now is that she is getting an apartment. I don't really feel comfortable with financing this, as I feel that will be condoning the affair. However anytime I mention separation of finances, she gets defensive and says that means it's over. I guess the issue is I don't know how to separate finances without it seeming like I am asking for a D.
I understand she is leaving and I can't stop her, although I am still struggling with accepting the reality of that. At times I feel like it won't matter much because she's not REALLY there anyway. I mean sure she looks like my wife...but that's about it. Also, she will be taking at least 1 of our 3 dogs with her, and to most people that probably doesn't seem like a big deal; but for me it's a huge deal as one of the things that brought us together was our passion for dogs.
I am now mourning the loss of a dream in that regard too: We have been religious EXTREME savers so that we can retire early and open a dog rescue facility...realistically we would be there at around age 45...that's only 14 years away
You all are right though, I am extremely conflicted. Separate finances, ask for D, expose affair, let her go and just work on me and leave finances the same, and many other options all run through my head on the daily.
