Today was our anniversary. Kind of a hard day but I did okay, yesterday I was super anxious and had to keep myself in check. It actually started the night before last. W told me she was going to another town Saturday after our plans. A town where a friend of hers lives but also half way between here and OM. She said she was going there and nothing about her friend. I didn't say anything but I almost asked. Should I ask if she's seeing him?
If she's going to see OM I'm a braying jackass. Giving her money, letting her keep stuff here, she's eating here, etc. idk what to do. Crazy, she's flat broke and leaving town as soon as she gets her first paycheck. Then again this could all be in my head, it made me realize how little I trust her. It's sad from many points of view when I think about it. I try to suppress the emotions and use higher thought but I realized I can only do it for stints of time. Hopefully I will get better. What really makes me wonder is that this weekend something clicked in her and she started distancing and acting weird again. Literally, click, that fast. Two nights ago she didn't eat with the kids and I, standing at the counter like her old in the house MLC days.
Last night some lady comes up to her at parents night at school and starts talking to w, I was not far behind and I heard her (not w) talking about custody, incenuating how unfair it was how men could get custody, (never mind a woman made the decision) then saying how it happened to someone else she knows, etc. It upset me for a few seconds then I walked away with the kids and had to laugh inside, how ridiculous. When I saw her leaving it appeared to me maybe she was a MLCer herself, or maybe just crazy, she had that look. Makes me wonder what w has said about me though.
W stayed here last night because I had to leave town early today. I left her a card simply saying "thank you for the memories, I will cherish them for a lifetime. Happy anniversary." She texted me this morning and said thanks for the card, it was nice. She mentioned nothing else about our anniversary.
Tonight she beat around the bush about coming over. I didn't invite her to see what she'd say. She finally asked to come use her scanner. I told her I was making dinner if he wanted to eat . She thanked me and came over ate and never used the scanner. It was actually an okay night. We talked about her work and she asked me to look at the website with her info. The picture she used almost doesn't even look like her. She told me about a problem with her old job/boss. I told her of course you hot thrown under the bus, you aren't there to defend yourself. She told me she basically told her old boss off. I told her it was nice she could stand up for herself now she was done there (she just maintains her old accounts). She also asked me if I addressed an issue with my parents from a few weeks ago, then asked for details. This was one of her legitimate complaints, maybe she was feeling me out on this. We talked a bit more then she left in a hurry again. She was in the driveway a couple minutes before she left so I know she was using her phone. I guess that should be another reminder to have no expectations.
