I have been thinking about this today. I agree with LiM and Sotto. Piecing is extremely difficult, and it starts with both people being committed to the M. That commitment comes with some contingencies of doing whatever it takes to see if the M can be recovered before starting to build a new one. That only works if both parties can listen and learn to understand their spouses experience and perspective.
Admittedly I have struggled to see H's perspective at times--as much as I may logically understand how thing happens, I have not been able to accept all of this. However this is paramount for the one that had the A to do. It is even discussed in the book you mention. For your WH to enter piecing, he must be willing to understand how much he hurt you and to find true remorse. I think that must happen before you even begin to trust him. Now in terms of how long it should take him to get to that position, well that I don't know. I don't get the sense he is there yet, and I imagine there are many factors that affect how long it takes them to get there.
Think about it, if you never thought he would break your heart, and then he did--in the worst way possible--so now you know what he is capable of, why would you hand it over? My H has done everything to show complete transparency, regret, and remorse and I still ask myself this.
(((Sara)))
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
