You are spinning. It's unbelievably painful and most likely is the hardest thing you will ever deal with in life. We have all been there. None of us can predict your outcome, but we do know that things will get better for YOU over time. If you can follow the advice and steps, you increase your odds of feeling better about yourself, getting stronger, and having better Rs in general. You also increase the change your W will come back. Most likely later. Patience is key. You will learn to be patient.
This takes a long time--marathon, not a sprint! You cannot measure success in a day--it takes weeks, months, and sometimes years. So take life day by day and hour by hour. Some of us have been in the mix for years! My H had an A with OW who I thought was a friend and then left me for her for 10 months. It all started 3 years ago. He has been back a year and a half now. It is still difficult. We cannot control them, but we can control ourselves. We can only grow stronger as we focus inward and start healing.
LiM has also been through h311 and back! His W had a full blown A with her trainer and also did a 180 and came back and is committed to the M. Go back and read both of our sitches. So what I am trying to tell you is that this may get worse before it gets better but things will change. Believe none of what she says right now! All waywards will tell you that they are done, want D, and the M was a mistake, even rewriting history, blah blah blah. They are deep in the fog, feeling desperate and scared, and must say this to try and justify their choices. Don't listen to it! My H said all kinds of ridiculous cr-p and admits now how lost and confused he was at that time.
Right now all you can do is let her go. Do not talk to her, talk about R, cry, beg, yell, threaten, tell her you are done--say NOTHING to her. Stay away from her and focus on you. She is going to go on her own dark journey, and she needs to learn first hand that 1. It is not any better, 2. You are not sitting there waiting desperately and 3. You are starting to look like the better option.
If you can do this, you WILL be the better option. Read Sandis rules every day and live by them. Keep posting here every day. Cry, yell, lean on family and friends and start letting yourself grieve what was and heal from the blows. This is terribly hard but you will get through it.
Lastly, you might be thinking that if she does x, y, z, or has any type of A you are done anyway, and you will want D. That is fine but there is no benefit to doing that now, it hurts more. And I just want to remind you that we all felt that way initially. Feelings change. People change. Life is long. It's time to let her go and start living for you.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
