Had a rough couple of days but after that I feel that I have elavated myself a bit more, like a bit more weight of my sorrow/ sadness has came off! One of my friend was really struggling with life in general but despite me being down and tearful I spend most of my evening last night supporting her. It is strange because before BD, I'd have listened to her and tried to give her advice but without real conviction from me, and I'd have definitely turn the table round back to my problems. Not this time, I felt true compassion and care for her, I was really able to put my sadness and be there for a friend.
I'm in two mind as I'm ashamed of myself ( for who I was before BD with H and kids, and let's face it a selfish woman who needed to have drama in her life to make her feel alive and have others noticing her), and at the same time I'm proud because I'm noticing the changes in me. I'm becoming more caring than I have ever been. Last night my friend needed me, and i was there for her. This is a great feeling to be able to help someone.
Also I'm starting to realise that I deserve better. I'm applying for a payrise and ask a friend to help me. He has a job with a lot of responsibilities and was able to guide me. The funny thing is throughout the whole discussion, he kept being positive, praising and very encouraging; whereas last time I applied for payrise I was with H and he never helped me, nor offer one word of encouragement or praise. This was another eye opener on my marriage, a random friend was able to be supportive to me whereas my own H couldn't.
Now I believe that there are descent men out there, and I don't know if I express it well in English, but seeing how my friend tried to bring out the best out of me made me realise that H brought the worst out of me and that I deserve better than what H has offered me for a long time.
Does it mean I'm letting more of the rope go, I guess the answer is yes.
