Welcome to the board ladies. I am sorry that you have all found yourselves here.
I realize that the concept of detachment is a scary one. For me, I realized becoming detached did NOT mean that I had to stop loving my X. What it did mean was that I developed a "thick skin" and I did not allow his actions affect my reactions, emotions (this took longer), or my life in general.
An example...
If he wanted to go out and party all night...
My options were...
1. Stay home and worry and wait and watch out the window at every car that passed wondering when he was coming home.
2. Get angry and either try to find him and make a scene or wait until he came home and make a scene.
3. Sit and cry and feel lonely and do nothing.
4. Stay home and read a book, take a bath, have dinner with S, and go to bed when I wanted.
5. Go out and do something fun that I wanted to do for/with myself and S or friends.
6. Have a party and not worry about when he was coming home.
These are just some options...do you see the differences? Which one sounds like the one that will make you feel the best?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
