The seed beneath the bitter snows is me!

[2Times2Many]

Hello all,

H left a couple of days ago. We managed to get through 2 weeks in the same house without fireworks and only the one disagreement I mentioned earlier.

He did a little yard work for me, grilled out a couple of times, was very good about doing dishes, etc. He even got a little flirtatious a couple of times a few days before he left. He was pinching at my rear with the long grill tongs and at one point, grabbed my face with both hands, tilted my head up and planted a kiss on my lips. But, he had had a few beers, so I don't put any significance into any of that stuff.

This may be kind of jumbled up because that's the way things are in my brain right now.

H still insists he wants a D "for closure." He said we were "already divorced" and our marriage was just a piece of paper. He said, "You're not in love and I'm not in love so there's no point in maintaining a M that is a farce."

I just replied that I was sorry he felt that way. I said that it's not the "piece of paper" but what it represents. I said that to me it would be like saying a wedding ring was just a piece of metal, and (again) I was sorry he felt differently.

He tried to insist that even afterwards, he will still "be there" anytime I needed him and all I had to do was call and he'd get on the next flight. Yeah, right.

At one point, I told him I had a question and would really appreciate an honest answer. He said, "Okay." I asked if he wanted the D so he could pursue a more serious R with another woman. He said no. He said he wasn't seeing anyone. I brought up the OW he told me about in June (I think - I'll have to look back through my threads) and he said he stopped seeing her "months ago."

I really don't know what to make of that of answer. I fully expected him to say yes. He had no problem telling he wanted to pursue a R with OW during MLC Part 1. If he's still involved with someone now, why deny it when he's already told me an OW is in the picture? This OW sitch is making my brain hurt! I know, I know. I shouldn't have asked the question in the first place.

He said he understood my feelings that I can't stay in the company after a D and that he was disappointed. At some point he again expressed that he was scared about what would happen if I left but understood that I was the type person who was either 100% in or 100% out. Then he went into the difficulties and expense of replacing me AND trying to buy me out at the same time (assuming that would happen).

He still insists he will not get a loan to buy me out of the company, will not drain his savings, etc. He is pushing for a "no cost" buyout where he pays me over time. Uh, no.

He also said he does not want to give up his investment in our home.

It was full court press and then some.

One amusing thing was the valuation the accountant did of the company (which I will accept and be good with). It came in higher than even I expected! Suddenly, H realized that my proposal was actually less than what I should be entitled to. Later that day, he launched into a speech about how he wanted to be fair and he appreciated my willingness to take less, but I was entitled to my full share and he didn't want to cheat me ... but he's not doing this and he's not doing that and back into trying to wiggle out of paying me upfront. Huh? I'm confused. You want to be fair but on your terms?? Okay, got it!

Then he went behind my back and told our manager that we were getting D and he was buying me out and she would really have to step up her game ... learn everything she could before I left.

When I expressed my displeasure about talking to her without me (it should have been something the two of us did together, in my book), he said he didn't tell her we "were" getting a D, but that we were talking about it. He said, "I wouldn't tell her that because it's not definite yet." Okay, so I'm scratching my head. She says he said one thing, he says he said something else and then throws in the little tidbit about not "definite." If your goal is turn 2T's brain to mush, you're doing a very good job there, h!

A couple of day later, he told me he had decided to sell the company. Huh?? I just told him that was up to him. It made no difference to me whether he kept it or sold it.

(HaWho, how in the heck do you do this?)

As I said at the beginning, all this is jumbled up in my brain and it may take a while for me to sort through it all.

My unspoken question to h is, "Do you want a D? If so, come up with the money to make it happen and stop throwing up all these obstacles to gum up the process. And stop insisting that I be the one to come up with a way that doesn't cost you money."

I want to shake him and yell, "Hey, Dude. D's cost money. No one comes out with everything they want and no one wins. Wake up!"

In spite of all that craziness, I did keep the duct tape in place and really didn't challenge anything he said. I did tell him I would have legal representation and I would be making an appt with my attorney. He took that fairly well.

So that's a recap of the latest visit.

The ride on the crazy train is a wild one, but at least I've reached the point that I can handle the twists and turns and keep my focus where it should be - on me and my best interests.

My best to everyone.
2T