As he pointed out you respond that “you know” often….yet in the context of how you respond your “I knows” are really just an excuses you keep giving yourself to a. not dig deep b. mind read and c. justify your actions and behaviors. Here let me show you YOUR words…..
Quote:
On 8/29 – I'm not sure either way has been effective and I know I haven't tried either for very long.
Quote:
On 8/30 regarding spying you “knew”….. AndrewP, thanks for the advice. Toying with her was something I had never done until today and honestly it felt good but I know I can't keep doing it.
Quote:
Later on 8/30 regarding snooping…. I know snooping wasn't doing me any good but it was almost like a drug for me.
Quote:
As for her leaving on 8/30… you “knew” that she wouldn’t- I’ll bet that if she did you would flip out. Yet you consistently say “I know”.
I still think if she would leave it would be better for our sitch, but I know that is not going to happen.
Quote:
On 8/31….. I know it wasn't sexual, but even if she would have invited me into the shower there is no way I was going in there.
you “knew” again. You were mind reading.
Quote:
on 8/31….I think she has depression and I know she has low self esteem.
Here you are mind reading – you have no clue what she might feel RIGHT now.
Quote:
8/31….I know she fears paying me alimony/child support
Mind reading again….
Oh….and J3B tried to point that out by responding “I think you don’t know what she thinks”
Quote:
On 8/31 ….. I never should have told my mom. I know better, but I was looking for someone to talk too after I found out what was going on and in a moment of weakness I called her.
Here your I know is used to justify YOUR poor choice. Notice the BUT….
Quote:
On 9/1 you responded to J3B
I understand where you are coming from. I know it was not smart.
These are both….avoiding digging deep and justification of YOUR choices
Quote:
On 9/1 … I know she is not going to stop the A
Mind reading again…
Quote:
On 9/1….I know I am not going to push her and I am going to keep my distance. Another dual combo “I know”….a. not wanting to dig deep and c. justification for your behavior
Quote:
9/1 continues…….. I know her relationship with the OM will still be going and I guess the only thing that's really changed is that she knows I know that.
Umm….let’s see if you can figure this one out…. I would say it is (fill in the blanks) M_ ND R _ _DING.
BTW….I’m still on one of your first threads…I have 2 more to go.
Later during the day on 9/1….
I know she isn't going to stop anytime soon. as far as I know she has only seen him one time since the EA started and he does live 3 hours away mind reading and fortune telling.
On 9/2… I know she is scared and I won't be shocked if she stops her EA for a little while, but then starts back up. – MINDREADING
On 9/5 I would actually be believing that there was really hope for us right now, but I know that is a long way off.
^^^ Mindreading….
On 9/6….
“I know she is torn on what to do now.” – More mind reading…
“I actually think they keep me from getting depressed because I know I have to be for them.” – In this example…you are using it as an excuse.
ON 9/7
Quote:
I know I need to work on myself, but it does make it hard when the W is at home in the evening
Hmmmm…an “I know and BUT” all in the same quote.
On 9/7…. after reading other threads on the board I know a lot have it worse than me
More mind reading. Hell CT118 even pointed it out when he said “I am not sure if others have it worse or better”
Eagle – The mind reading is KILLING YOU.
Alas I have more….
9/8…. “I know they work together on projects, but some of the times of there texts leave me a bit skeptical that this is strictly work related
“I know I shouldn't be snooping but when I saw his name pop up on that text last night I couldn't help myself” ….I think you’ve said this about snooping..ummm…5 times so far and FTR, I’m still only on 9/8. Oh…and notice the “BUT”…there was the excuse you gave yourself.
Here are just a few more….
9/8 - “This should not change my path. I know that, it's just so frustrating to see her do this”
9/8 - “I know if I say something and I'm wrong, it will be bad for whatever relationship we have. I also know just telling her would admit that I can't stop snooping. She already knows I snooped before and I know she is paranoid because she thought I put a tracking device in her car last week.”
9/8 – “If this 2nd OM is true then I know she has "affaired down"”
9/9 – “I know I have to take care of myself, but its just not right that this insane woman is going to effect what happens to the rest of my life.” (another “I know and BUT”)
Whew…that took a while. Well now I am on the “confused on what to do 2” thread….let’s see what we find.
9/9 – I know it might not make a difference but it is nice to know that the work I have been putting in is at least noticed.
9/10 ” I need to do more, but I have been” This is not an “I know”…you did though use “BUT” again as an excuse.
9/12 – I know, I know – This was in response to Drew who said your W was cake eating.
9/12 – “I know I have gotten paranoid about every guy she is talking too now.”
9/12 – “I know she really doesn't want anything to do with me and I know that as long as these other men are giving her the attention then she will never be in a position to try our marriage again
9/13 – “I didn't respond in anger, but I know it was a stupid thing to say.”
Another example that highlights just how much you keep mind reading.
9/14 -
Quote:
Like Jack, I'm trying not to mind read here, but part of me thinks she is testing
Back to the “I Knows”…
9/14 – I know it might not mean much, but it was nice to get that acknowledgment – Mind reading and excuse combo
9/14 – I know this M will not be fixed overnight and that it would be a long road
9/15 – I know I am consumed by fear
Eagle….I can continue to go through all of your posts. I hope that you understand what we are trying to say to you.
Now is the time to stop mind reading, to stop giving yourself excuses, to stop with the “I know” and “but” – It is time to stop being afraid of not just YOUR wife….
But of….
YOURSELF.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
