cheesyt 4- no more doormat!

[NYGal]

Good advice from lto402. Cheesy, it's impossible to understand your W because she doesn't understand herself. I see this as a big opening, for you. If you haven't been consistent in the past, now is the time to be. Sometimes when we are faced with losing all we hold most dear it's a wake up call we needed. You've had your call. Use this time to work on cheesy. W will see the new and improved Cheesy 2.0 and she'll want back in. Maybe. I can't predict, but what I see is great confusion on her part. So use her confusion to make one thing clear -- you are the BEST alternative. You are Cheesy 2.0 and we don't want someone else to benefit from all that!

Be very careful what you say to D. Don't put her in the middle, and do know that anything you say or do with her is likely to go back to W -- but with D's interpretation on it. So tread lightly. Same with MIL. Don't use her, or D, to get to W. Don't be Ms. Helpful if you weren't before. It might be too late to prove how awesome you are with D and MIL, because that might look fake. But if you truly are the wonderful Cheesy 2.0 that we all know you are, W will see that and hopefully want that for herself.

Everything she said is very complicated and confusing. IDK, but sometimes I think the truth is best. "W, I love you and miss our M more than you know. I'm using this time to focus on my own well-being. I would welcome the opportunity to work on our M and our family with D together. But I know you have your own issues to deal with right now. I understand. I've got some decisions to make, too (never, ever say what those are). I love you. I'm sorry this is so difficult." Or something like that. Clearly she wants to know what's going on with you but don't let her know. Remember, she fired you as her W. I'm glad you gathered your stuff and got it out of there. Please, please use this time to go very, very, very dim. If she doesn't feel your loss, what would motivate her to come back to you???