Confused on What to Do 3

[Brubeck]

ericmsant2 - great response, damn thorough. I needed to hear a lot of that too. You took the time to break it down. Much care there. Thank you.

Eagle - Again, some of your own feelings mirror my own. I am still doing some of the same things... being too hard on myself, using the kids as an excuse to not do anything (I cringed at ericmsant's response because it's true), and just blaming myself overall for the whole scenario.

I am just stepping out of the habit blaming myself for my W's MLC. I figured if I take responsibility for her condition, I can do something to fix it and make sense of the craziness. Wait a minute, I can't make sense - because half of what she says are things I know are untrue, half of what she does is negligent towards her family and herself.

To echo some of ericmsant's sentiment... I would suggest some GALing / activity that will give you a sense of taking control of your life. Like me, you may feel that everything is spinning wild, or at least, out of your hands.

It's good to step outside the box and do something new for the first time, but I've found for me I feel great when I accomplish projects for myself. I don't mean raking the leaves. Golfing is great for taking you away from the daily grind, keep doing that. Do you have something unfinished that's hanging out there in the basement / attic / garage? I'm finding completing those projects build me up because while I need to have time off, I also need to feel like I did something.

With being quiet around W, maybe you get lonely or just want to chat for the sake of it. Start calling or texting friends when she's home (if your boys aren't keeping you too occupied). Get conversations going with other people. Others may 2 x 4 me for saying this, but I think those other people can include women if you're so inclined. I don't advertise to W when I am on the phone with a woman, but I have no problem with it. I'm not flirting, these women are just my friends. You know, as well as I do, the comfort of receiving feminine energy even when it's just in a totally platonic capacity.

I am already journaling, it's been therapeutic to get it all out. Rant, guess, theorize, etc. I suggest creating documents under Google drive. Remember to use private browsing!

I'm keeping up with your sitch and other sitches and reading archived stuff and I'm getting the feeling that most of us go down this path kicking & screaming. I guess none of this is supposed to be easy, it still isn't for me. Soldier on...