I know I am late to the party :-) I read this thread, but did not read all the way back. Is or has there been any type of A? Or is she WAW?
I'm confused at to why you want to go to MC if your wife is not committed to making things work? You have said more than once that she is box checking and so I am concerned that you are giving that to her. I am afraid that if she is not committed to piecing, that she will use MC as a way to validate that she should move forward with D. MC can be intense and bring lots of baggage to the surface, and so without a solid foundation, I do agree that you may be giving her that check mark.
My sitch is diff in that my H is not a woman (but was a giant wus) and was quite wayward in his fog. Well he did pull this box checking on me and it was terribly painful! We went to MC about 2 mos after he moved out and I was very hopeful it would lead to reconciliation. I was so wrong! He was just using it as a platform to absolve some of his guilt for being a cheating POS. So I found myself more hurt with additional humiliation to boot.
Even when he left OW I was weary of going back to MC because I did not yet see he was ready to piece. I was right, he left her, waffled for a couple months, and then ran back. I am glad I didn't go to MC and give him another opportunity to reject me (and with the support of a professional). Because they will take their word and use it to their full advantage.
It wasn't until 8 mos later when he cut all ties with OW, did a sharp 180, and was committed to the M, that I found MC helpful. And even then it was difficult and painful. It is emotional and intense. So my fear for you is that this could cause you some insult to injury.
Perhaps before agreeing to MC you can share your goals of it with one another. If she is not committed to making the M work for some amount of time then you can reevaluate your expectations of it. I think you owe yourself that much if you are handing out free check marks :-)
I just want to see you protect your heart!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
