Have you read mine? Brother, I was as low as you are...I did not actually share it all here, but lets say that what you have shared casts a dark shadow in my memory...
Yeah I feel like you are handling it way better than I am - you are very positive despite all of the pain you must be going through, and you take time to reach out to others to help. I'm really grateful to have known you, it means a lot.
One thing I've realized lately in this 'program' is that my self talk is very bad right now. I tend to complain all the time and place a lot of blame on myself. What I've been doing is opening up the audio recorder app and recording positive and encouraging conversations with myself. Like I am talking to a friend who is going through this tough time, except I'm talking to myself.
I actually have been reaching out - but in my life. To the people I'm in this program with. These are suicidal people who have lost hope for one reason or another, as I get to know them, I start to care about their well being more and more.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
