Bomb dropped

[Cherry]

Sorry you are here. But you will gain great support here. Glad you have deleted the app now. I think most of us here are guilty of snooping at one point or another. Before my h changed his passwords I saw flirty messages between him and a colleague. She was telling him to leave me, and he was talking about dating her. This information didn't really help me at all, yes it confirmed an a, but those messages are burned into my brain.

It sounds like you are off to a good start with implementing the rules. Have you read DR yet? That will help for you to read and see what you need to be doing and give you ideas on goal setting for you. What are you going to do to be the best man and best father?

It is tough, it's a long ride. But I guarantee it will help you get stronger, and people here have saved their m.

I would swerve r talks at all costs, you know her thoughts, and she knows yours. As hard as it is, take your focus off her and get focussing on you. What are/where your hobbies? What things can you work on for yourself? Is there anything she has pointed out that you did or didn't do in the m where you feel you could have contributed to the breakdown? Read up on cadets thread on validation too, my h used to complain that I didn't listen to him, so validation was a good start for a 180 for me- I practice this in day to day convos with people now.

She will lie, she will absolutely be all over the board, which is why we must stay steady and consistent. One day she may be cheery towards you- the next she's avoiding you. It's all part of the script, leave her be and offer glimpses of a happy man. The type she would be a fool to walk away from. Keep focussed on your d, she's at an age where she will pick up on things, so protect her the best way you can. I don't know if you do already, but maybe get into a habit of spending time with her, the movies or something. There's some very inspirational men on here who may swing by and help. My good friend surfer is truly shining in this respect, he's taking good care of himself but also being an absolutely fantastic dad with days out and movie nights and so on.

Have a little look around other people's threads, you will see a lot of patterns amongst wayward spouses.

Again, I'm sorry you find yourself here, but it's a wonderful place with a lot of space, and a safe place for us to journal our feelings and vent. You sound like you've already made a great start with things. This will be a tough journey, but stick at it and keep posting