Cherry, filing, moving. Gaining strength

[Cherry]

SH, this totally makes sense. I know I come on here and have a little grumble from time to time, but this is just to vent my complaints.

Towards wh, I am compassionate, friendly. And my recent 180 on validating, I felt I've given him the opportunity to talk to me if needs be. I know my wh has depression, he's told me about self harm, and his thoughts on things would be better if he wasn't here. At that time I validated and said how this must be very hard. I've let him know that he is deeply loved by S, and that regardless of what happens between us, I think I always will care about him, he is the father of my children after all (I possibly broke a db rule there).

I've made my feelings known, so he knows there's love there. I also like to make my house that of a calm place, and when he sees those glimpses of me, it's thatvof a stable happy loving person. And this is all I feel I have in my control, he is extremely wayward- to the point he doesn't even see or spend time with our S. And mention this baby and he's in panic mode

Seeking help is ultimately all on the individual, I believe that you can only get help when you realise you have a problem. I realised I carried a lot of issues along with mevthat I had never dealt with, an abussive ex, and post traumatic stress from a cancer battle. But I'm working on these now, which helps me to see clearer and be a better person.

I guess one of my daily battles is getting on with life, when my heart is breaking as I know I do love my h. But now it's at that stage of if you love someone let them go. I do find myself having a battle occasionally of loving someone, but hurt by the betrayal. I've read stories on people piecing, and see this is a common issue even when the spouse returns.

Still one step at a time!