To respond, I am 46 years old. I have a fantastic job that I love. It is helping me focus on something other than my marriage. I have a wonderful 15 month old child who I love to pieces.
While all this is happening, I am doing my best to focus on my IC sessions and reading when I can. Right now I am reading Jim Conway's "Men in Midlife Crisis." I am almost done. It's been difficult to GAL when I have to look after my child. (Please don't take that as a complaint, as it's not.) But the way I see it, right now because he is so dependent on me, he is my life. I do enjoying taking walks, hiking, and spending time outdoors with my son. I also have a group of friends who I enjoy.
I am still trying to wrap my head around all of this. It's utterly mind boggling to me. To me it seems sudden, but I know he has been rewriting our history in his mind for a long time.
When I encounter a problem, I am the type of person to dive right in and try to work on fixing it. What makes this so difficult is realizing that there is nothing I can do to fix the situation as a whole. It's completely out of my hands. I can only work on me. I am trying to be the change I want to see.
Through it all, I am trying to be optimistic, but it seems bleak and hopeless. Some days, I just feel like I am fooling myself into thinking that he really is depressed and going through a crisis. It's something I want to believe b/c then I think there is hope the crisis will end and end well. I want so badly for his bad attitude to go away so we can work on the marriage and give it a shot.
I am fighting for my marriage. Despite some of his awful behavior, I do love him so . . .
