Maybs - Pt 4 - where to now?

[maybs]

Coly - true, I didn't make her leave or start the divorce process. I think on some level she must know that this isn't what I want.

Cherry - Thanks for the support, it's nice to know that it's not just me. I do think my W has doubts but she is still too wayward to really deal with them.

Ultimately I did decide to meet with my W yesterday but did not ask her. But in true WW fashion she blew that crap up epically.

I met with her because I needed to discuss some house issues with her, she agreed to stay on the mortgage for 2 years while I work on my credit and stuff to get the mortgage into my name. So while I have sole occupancy she does still jointly own the house with me for 2 years. So, that's why I needed to talk to her.

She came in and was talking about how her dr is making her get an urgent ultrasound because she thinks there's a possibility my W has a tumor on her thyroid (possibly cancerous) and she's going to miss our nieces birthday party this Friday to get that done. And then she talked to me about the dogs and other stuff.

We did talk about the house and then somehow she got off topic again and we were talking about holidays and then I'm not even sure how it came up but I mentioned that my SIL had invited me to Thanksgiving and Christmas still because she still wants me to be in my nieces lives.

And that's about when sh!t it the fan.

She got very upset and hopped out of her chair and was pacing around the kitchen and was starting to cry. She gave me about 6 different arguments about why she was upset.

- I never wanted to see her family until after we were split up - which isn't true but I just said "I'm sorry you felt that that was true"

- Last year we were on the same page about how SIL wouldn't let us have the girls overnight and now SIL has told me I can take them overnight - in fairness this is true. We did agree on that previously and then I asked SIL if I could take the girls and she did say yes but it hasn't actually happened yet. and I'm still not sure how this is related to holidays. I validated anyways. And she followed up by saying "it isn't even about you having them, I don't care, everyone thinks I care more than I do" (personally to me the face she was yelling and crying kind of indicated she cared but I just didn't say anything)

- "You continuing to go to family events is preventing me from getting closure and moving on" - I validated. But also really? You have a whole new relationship, seems like you should have gotten closure to move on before that happened.

- "It's disrespectful to me for SIL to do that" - I validated, I really can see how she might feel that way but also part of me just wanted to be like grow up

- "why are you telling me this and not SIL" - She moved so quickly past this one and into the next one that I didn't even have a chance to say anything about it, kind of goes with the one above. I don't know why SIL isn't telling you these things and obviously I didn't know it was a secret or something... and also probably has to do with below.

- "I have no family because you are driving a wedge between my family and I" - Again, I validated. Forget the fact that the wedge between her and her family has absolutely nothing to do with and she created it herself by completely cutting off contact with them.

The more I validated and agreed with her the more p!ssed off she got at me. And basically ended up just storming out while saying "I should have never come today" As if I had somehow forced her into coming to speak to me. No, that was her choice. She was the one that wanted to meet at the house because she wanted to "grab some stuff" which she made no mention of once she got here and never did because she was too busy throwing a fit.

She's one of those people that does storm off when she gets upset and expects me to follow and/or try to call or text her to apologize. I won't lie at first that was my inclination, I feel badly about how that all happened and it was not my intention to upset her. But once I thought about it 1. I have nothing to apologize for. I didn't actually do anything accept state a piece of information. 2. It's a 180 for me to not chase her down to apologize.

She can be mad at me and blame me if she wants to but I don't feel I did anything wrong, this is not actually my fault and if she wasn't WW and was capable of thinking rationally I believe she would recognize that. I didn't ask to be invited and I can't control who SIL invites into her own home anymore than W can.