Mia, I want you to know I was right where you stood. I could feel your emotions and they greatly echoed mine. You are angry, but want him to come back. You feel as if he doesn't deserve the time he wants with the kids. he chose to walk out, right? He shouldn't have much say at all, as it was his choice to leave his kids.
I had that mindset. My ex felt OW was more important and he left so he has say in nothing now. he doesn't deserve what he wants with his daughter. And if he had the kid's best interest in mind like you do, he wouldn't have left at all.But if he came back, he could have his family back.
It's just not a healthy or realistic way of thinking for the long run for our children.
To add to what hawho said. You don't want them finding out their dad wanted more time with them, but you wouldn't let him. That's bad for a few reasons. One, they might resent it. Two, you can retort well, "he left, it was his decision" but what they would take that personally like he left THEM. Of course you could always say you felt it was in their best interest, but was it really? I am not undermining your parenting. Maybe a two hour drive back and forth is not in their best interest. But he moved closer and while their routine will change with that one night a week, the pro definitely outweighs the con. A dad who wants to spend more time with his children.
You can stand by the argument of "well, if he really wanted to spend time with his children, he wouldn't have left" But the truth is you have to separate him leaving you from leaving his children. You don't want to have the children felt like they were the ones who were left.
I feel for you. I really really do. Separating the heartache of what they put us through, and the family through from the father-children relationship is so very difficult. Took me a while to figure it out how to put my anger aside and separate our relationships. But in the end, I asked "what is REALLY best for our daughter within what our situation is" not what I believe our situation should have been or who chose to make it what it was or who was wrong or who was right, but what the situation actually IS.
