She's telling you what she wants. She is telling you to "let her go." Anything you do to stand in the way of that will only push her further away.
I know it doesn't make any sense but the way you fight for her right now is by letting her go and by working on yourself.
Like you, I had a history of being very emotionally detached. But when my W finally ended the A and came back, she told me that she saw I was fighting for her and our M EVEN THOUGH I was detached (or at least trying really hard to detach) and dark. She did NOT understand what I was doing while the A was ongoing; it even made her angry. It is only after the A has died, she has experienced loss and has expressed true remorse that she will be able to appreciate the work that you are now trying to do.

Your conversation when she first came home was fine. But you did a backslide when you started texting her. You need to just let her go and stew in the mess that she has created.


Me: 48 y/o
W: 47 y/o
Together: > 20 yrs
BD: Dec '15, then S
2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D
April '16: started piecing