Life is kicking my butt

[AndrewP]

qt4x11 - You sound like you feel like a mess my friend but you'll get through this.

The most important things first. Take the suicidal thoughts seriously. I've had them myself and they scared the crap out of me too (and the people here as well). Make sure you have the local crisis line programmed into your phone - have "someome" who you can call when you get to that dark place that I've seen too.

One tool that helps me is something my IC calls "mindfulness". The key thing as I use it is to recognize thoughts as thoughs and not real. Then you need to find something real. One exercise I use is to breathe deeply and to feel the breath go all into you and through your body. A similar exercise is to take something physical like a pen, or the gear shift in your car and focus on it. Feel it, explore it. For racing thoughts I use a different technique. I use the image of a scrub-brush, or a Monty Python scene transition to wipe those out and push them aside. It doesn't work for long and I have to do it a bunch of times but it gets me through those times.

Don't let your W's L push you around as far as visitation goes. They're trying to renegotiate a deal that's already been done. I know that you want what's best for your kids but there are lots of ways to skin any particular cat - and the cat is always upset at the end so don't worry about that. Stand your ground and push them (since they're wanting the change) to come up with something better or no deal. Perhaps arranging for a cab / uber to do the shuttling might be a good idea (?) with your W paying for it.

The money stuff will work itself out. I would suggest that you consider sitting down and doing up a good budget knowing that it will change. Remember, a budget isn't a tool for saving, it's a plan for spending. And just like any plan it needs to be flexible.

You can do this ....