Well here's my situation. In April wife went to help friends move out of state. Came home said she needed space wasn't sure what she wanted. A few weeks later in May I caught her on the phone at 5 in the morning with OM who lives up north. Said she wasn't going to stop talking to him and after I called him and confronted the situation (he was sort of a friend of ours) she went underground using a text app. I was unaware and thought they stopped communication.
At the beginning of this month she texted me she was going out of town for Labor Day weekend with some girls from her new job. I became suspicious and found out that she had paid for a plane ticket and hotel room for them.
Confronted her again and we talked was shocked I found out and begged me not to come to the hotel room an hour away she still stayed the final night and came home on the 5th. When she came home she said we were over and that she was filing for divorce. It was a rough week and half with fighting and stuff. I have since backed way off because she has yet to file and says they haven't spoken in a couple of weeks. Which of course is something I find hard to believe. She says she will talk to me but hasn't as of yet and it's so hard not to confront her. She has been living in spare bedroom since April. Says GM and sometimes GN. Says hi when we are in the same room. Small talk from time to time. I just don't know why she hasn't came to me to talk about things. I'm not mind reading but I feel she is mulling things over knowing how well she actually has it with me even though we need to work hard at getting our marriage back together. Any advice will be welcomed. I have been reading the boards for weeks now. Thank you.
Last edited by Cadet; 09/27/1612:05 PM. Reason: Carriage returns for readability
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Sober: I really feel for you. My W also started an EA while away. I suspected, confronted, snooped. I had to manipulate her to expose the truth. Then confronted the OM - he dropped her like a stone.
Keep you cool. I begged, pleaded, pursued and it did not help. Only after we were in house sep and I started to work on myself did she start to come around. But, she left as I got stronger and did not give in to her demands, etc.
So don't snoop - it hurts us more than them. At first we had an good arrangement for in house sep where we on a day and off a day. The idea was the other person stayed out of the way. I gave that up and we had a psuedo family life. In hindsight, I wish I had not. We should have had border in the house.
So work out, focus on family work and let her think you are moving on without her. Be a better actor than Brad Pitt, George Clooney, etc. I started catching up on house projects and it made her mad. She saw the changes and actually liked them. But, the anger inside her was devious, etc.
The bad news is - this will go on longer than you think and certainly than you want it to.
Act cool and removed - do everything different. It's a real shot in the arm. I even bought a motorcycle.
We are here with you.
P.S. Confronting the OM is a great tactic.
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Confronting the OM isn't recommended. It may feel good in the short term, but it could backfire big time.
Do you have children?
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
I have stopped Persuing her. I leave her alone while she hangs out in the spare bedroom. She rarely leaves it. I only say GM or GN if she does and I don't start any conversation with her. This morning she came out into the hall way as I was leaving and said have a nice day. I said you too. It just made me happy she made the small effort to say that.
Sober - tell us a bit more about yourself, your W and your family. Any kids? What are your ages? How long together?
Do you have your own problems? I couldn't help but notice the handle you are using.
How committed to divorce do you think she is? How committed to OM?
Are there any other issues such as a history of her talking down to you, depression, dis-satisfaction with her life, the marriage?
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
