W is out of town for a few days and it is tough. Trust issues and stuff.
I find myself wanting to say something to her. I know she knows how I feel about things when she does leave because we have had that discussion, but she doesn't ever really say anything to me about it.
She will be with a couple of coworkers; one male and the other female.
I know why I'm nervous, but I wish it would go away.
I realize that I can only control myself and cannot control others actions, only how I respond to them. If something did happen, I know how I would respond, and so I feel like I shouldn't feel nervous, but I do.
I've said this before, but I don't think you can say it too many times: You never really get over the betrayal, you only learn to deal with it.
Piecing is so hard. DBing is hard, don't get me wrong, but there's that little bit of self doubt about whether or not you did the right thing, you know?
I always said I'd leave if this happened and here I am. Does that make me weak?
I think part of that comes from the detachment process. You put so much effort into GALing and detaching and distancing yourself to protect yourself from the turmoil of the WW or the MLCer etc.
Then finally, when you come out the other side and you're ready to move on and that's when they come back. It's so strange how that works.
I love where we are at, but there's part of me that hasn't shaken that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Is this real? Is this forever? Is this the right call?
All we can do is do our best to cultivate that R and hope that this was the path we were meant to walk.
