Lighthouse versus distance-newbie

[KayA]

Hello everyone,
I'm new here. My background story....My husband has all the signs of MLC. It's been brewing for years, and came to a head this July when I discovered an affair. After the discovery, we reconciled right away, he cut it off and we had a great four weeks of attempting to move on (we were totally unprepared for how hard that would be). After four weeks he reached out to the OW again and told me he needed space and time to think. He went away for a week and came back and said he wanted a divorce and wanted to see what could develop with the OW since he still had feelings for her (knife to my soul). That was about a month ago.

I know he still has feelings for me and is confused. He acts like he is forcing himself to hate me, and most of the time does not allow me to touch him, and typically does not talk to me or even look at me much. If he does allow himself to talk to me or be intimate with me he will literally run away...get the keys and go off somewhere, sometimes for days at a time and not tell me where.

Fast forward to now...I read the beautiful Lighthouse story, and I just love it. I believe in my husband and in our marriage, we have a good foundation and a true love there, he's just lost right now.

We see each other almost everyday because of sharing parenting duties, and we rotate sleeping at our house (some nights I'm at my parents, some nights he is at a "mystery" location, could be the OW could be a friend, I have no clue and he won't tell me).

My question is, how do I balance being the Lighthouse for him to come back to but also being standoffish, or distant enough to make him miss me? I'm home with the kids during the day, I still have been making dinner for him for when he gets home from work, still making a comfortable home like folding laundry and stuff. I don't spend much time around him though, usually just enough time to update on the kids.

Any advice on how to navigate this dance and this mind game I feel that I'm in with him?

thanks so much...This is the toughest thing ever.