Hi Job, thanks for your message - this is just a little timeline of what we have experienced over the years since we got married. To be honest with you I didn't even think they were major enough to cause any strain on our marriage but see what you think:
Aug. 2010 - H and I get married
Early Dec 2010 - find out we are existing a baby
End Jan 2011 - miscarriage at 11 weeks - although H was never bothered about us having a baby he takes it quite badly and has more time off work than I do.
During 2011 and 2012 I become obsessed trying for another baby. I am told that I am perimeopausal and will not conceive. I am devistated.
2013 - H's company are taken over and H struggles with the amount of work. He is put on performance management but plays it down to me until I get it out of him that he is one formal meeting away from being sacked. I find out that he has not done very well with the objectives that he has been set and he is in denial. I suggest H resigns before he is pushed (which is inevitable as they did not want him in the new structure). He agrees and resigns. He was a shadow of his former self during this time and loses a lot of self confidence. I don't help as I am annoyed he didn't tell me how serious it was before. I am in HR and could have helped!
May 2013 - Feb 2014 - H struggles to find a job so has to get job seekers benefits. We pay a reduced amount on our mortgage at this time as I don't earn enough to carry us.
Feb 2014 - H finds an interim job which goes permanent but the travel is just too much so H starts looking for another job nearer to home.
June 2014 - I am made redundant
Aug 2014 - I find another job which starts in September 2014
July 2014 - H finds another job nearer to home but the role us extremely busy and still involves a lot of travel
I did start noticing that H was much quieter than usual just before Christmas but didn't really put it down to anything in particular. Another important issue is that H has a really low libido/confidence and we would go through these stages where he just wouldn't initiate for months and I would get very despondent and withdrawn. I tried not to initiate too much as I know it is not something he is really that interested in, but I realise that I was making if worse by putting all the pressure on him. We would then talk about it and he would apologise saying that he just got into a rut. It would be OK for a few months and then the cycle would start again.
H comes from a family who don't deal with emotions very well. They are a lovely family but they don't do outsiders very well and me and my D were considered outsiders. H has an older brother and sister. His brother married a girl he has known since he was 15 and his sister is in her late forties, unmarried and living with the parents. H had not had a long term relationship before me and only a couple of girlfriends. He has a LOT of friends the hp majority of white he had known since he was young. All ages and all sexes.
H was very loving to my D, his step daughter. He saw what her father did to her by abandoning her and promised her on our wedding day that he would be the father to her that that deserved. This is so out of character for him. He keeps saying he needs to be in his own and when I asked if we could maybe try again he said he didn't want any timelines. I don't know if he is fobing me off.
As I said in my first post. I have been dark for 13 days now and it's killing me...
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
