Hi Mat, welcome aboard. It seems you are aware of the things that aren't working. Is that right? If so, why not start at that point? (Btw, your post endorsed everything I have said about being BFF's with the WW).

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I find out she is seeing another man and I figure that is what lead to us moving forward in the divorce. So we end up getting a non contested divorce after 3 years of marriage. We remained really good friends.
Although looking back now I see that I was way available for her more than I should have been – helping her when he car broke down, a shoulder to cry on when her BF isn’t being nice, coming over and spending time with the kids during her time. Also we slept together twice while we are divorced but she was single and not with anybody.


Once you are separated, my suggestion is to be nice, polite, and friendly (like a neighbor), when she contacts you or at kid swap, etc. Don't be available, and don't initiate contact, if not an emergency. Don't give her your shoulder to cry on, don't be her handyman or Mr. Fixit, don't let her use your place to spend her time with the kids. Do not sleep with her!

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Everything seems to be going great then all of sudden she does a 180 and tells me she needs space. She needs time apart from me because she isn’t sure she loves me in that way. She tells me she isn’t sure she ever felt that spark for me ever but got married the second time because it was comfortable and easy. I am told I am her best friend but we don’t have passion.


She's getting attention from other men, and she likes it. She is bored with the MR, and wants to be free (again). But hey, she brought children into this world......and with children comes responsibility, right? Who wouldn't like to go back to being twenty again?

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The current situation is she is moving out to an apartment that is close by on November 10th. I am devastated and try to go into Mr Fixit. I tell her I understand and that I will do anything. I offer to pay for some of the apartment (I know what the heck???) as long as we continue working on the marriage. I basically start having no back bone at all.


If you know this is nuts ^^^^^^^........what can you do to change it? Hint: Do not offer to do anything; do not pay for her to live like a single woman; and do not bribe her into working on the MR. And last, but certainly not least......grow a backbone.

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We have talked a little bit via Facebook messenger but it has mostly been about the kids.


Stay off FB, and don't discuss MR right now.

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She hasn’t brought up divorce yet and continues to say we are going to work on the marriage when she is in the apartment.


She's lying.

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I made the mistake of asking her that a lot when she broke the news to me.


Don't do it anymore! It shows her that you are weak and desperate, which is unattractive.

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Also its really strange because she wants me to spend the night there the first night with the kids so they will feel more at home. Also for holidays – thanksgiving/Christmas she is going to spend the night at my house so we can all be together as a family. I know realize this is Cake Eating.


No repeats of the first divorce.......okay? No spending the nights at the XWW's house, nor her staying at your house. She doesn't get the benefits of being your W, once she's divorced you. No more holidays and family events together. It is no more one happy family after divorce! She needs a picture of that message now. How can you get that picture across to her? By stop letting her cake eat! Stop letting her dictate how things will be. Once she has moved out, there will be two houses, two lives, two separate families. Your actions based on that ^^^ will show her how her life will be as a single parent, and without you being there whenever she decides to use you for her selfish benefit.

So now, you have a big starting point, right? Oh, but I almost forgot.......

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So I am not sure what/how to act when she returns or what to do. My feeling is she enjoying all the extra attention that has come from getting in spectacular shape and also all the guys at the gym. I don’t think she is having a PA but I wouldn’t be surprised if she is having an EA heading to a PA.


I wouldn't be surprised, either. smirk

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!