Out of in house S - On My Own (11)

[vise82]

Hey Rich4j,

For the morning care I am just eating the cost, I adjusted my work start time and its realistic right now that gives me time to get them to school and me to work on time. Any more adjustment would be a rush and would rush being late and with how kids can be being rushed is not a good thing in the morning.

As for other stuff I have spent more time with my brothers going to auto races, keeping in touch with my sister were planning to meet up again. Soccer is almost done now and I signed up for the winter season.

I decided to get out into the dating thing. My sister was nudging me. Talked to a bunch of girls on line, met up with one of them. I have mixed emotions, was very unsure if it went well as I have nothing to gauge it against as it was the first woman I met.

After the date the confusion got to me and my emotions as my marriage mind set is really blocking me from enjoying this. I felt the need to get approval from WW before moving forward. I was wanting confirmation that she yes is done and has no interest in us at all. Her actions all indicate that but when I asked her about the guy she is seeing she down played it saying they are just talking. I wanted the truth even if it hurt me to help to mentally move forward.

In everyway we are divorced but with out the official paperwork. And that was stopping me from enjoying myself with this woman that was throwing herself at me to some degree. I did not expect it, did not expect the sadness of the loss of the MR. Did not expect the missing of WW. I resisted the need to reach out to her. I want to break free from her and I think talking to her would just set me back.

Maybe its just a bump on the road that I need to get over on my own. Or its sign I am just not that ready, but I do want to see her again, I want to get to the other side of this. To live and be happy.