Hi, I'm from the UK so I hope my language and style doesn't confuse too much. My husband of 17 years (been together 29) dropped the bomb in March and we have been apart ever since.
I knew he hadn't been right for over two years due to the failure of a business venture that he had spent a couple of years working on. This venture was supposed to change our lives and pay the mortgage. He was hoping he could chuck in his job too, which he has been increasing unhappy about. He also turned fifty last year. After this failed venture he acted very out of character for him, becoming snappy, removing himself from Facebook,turning his phone off and working constantly.
Friends and family noticed too. Anyway, I came home one day to a typed note saying he had been unhappy for some time and that he no longer loved me. I was devastated. We had the most wonderful marriage up until then and I assumed he'd had a breakdown and would soon come home.
He has called only a handful of times and blamed me for everything. I had been a nightmare to live with the last year and I had come out with hurtful things, but tbh he had neglected me for some time and I was frustrated and didn't realise he was so depressed and looking back so was I. It was only after leaving he admitted to the debt we were in and always kept it from me. He admitted to feeling suicidal last year, feels angry all the time and snapping at his colleagues. Looking back he was showing all the symptoms of depression including erectile problems, insomnia, headaches etc.
He told me I was always going on that I was too old for this and too old for that, wore big knickers and had turned into a Gran. I must admit that since our daughter had her kids I've helped her a lot as she lives just opposite us. He had a wonder relationship with our four year old Grandaughter who was his world, before he left. Obviously this has also devastated her and she asks for her PP all the time.
He admitted that he had met someone and was having an ER with her. They have a great laugh together. This was after he promised to come home to try to work things out but he cried foul saying he had stuff to tell me. I haven't seen him for four months now and think I may have spooked him the last time he did. I was half drunk, was wearing little shorts and a top, fake tan, full make up and practically pounced on him. He actually said "so you look great and I look terrible". At first I thought it was a compliment but I now believe he wanted me to reassure him he didn't. I had told him he did in an earlier email.
He has admitted in an email a few weeks ago that he realises it was all his fault, doesn't blame me for it all, has been affected in some way since this venture and has been unable to do anything about it.
He is paying all the bills. I don't have a job as he said I could retire after my hysterectomy in 2012. The only money I have is lodge from our son. He had a payout of miss old PPI earlier in the year and this is what he's spending.
He has repeatedly said he will call but never does. He's redirected his mail to his parents house a few miles away. I believe his ER has now turned into a PA because we had a family wedding last weekend (his so ) which I didn't attend for obvious reasons. And He felt is was appropriate to text him to ask if he could take his 'friend'.
I was shocked that he could do this to our son that we have together. My stepson told him no (he wasn't even aware there was a 'friend') as it would be to awkward.
I was dreading Facebook and the inevitable photos of him in the wedding. However, I wasn't prepared to see what he looks like since I saw him in May. He is now fat and bloated. Don't get me wrong.....I didn't want to see him looking great either but I am shocked at his appearance. He looks like he's in H@ll.
I find it hard to believe that anyone would find him attractive now and want a sexual relationship with him. He has never looked so bad and. I am worried sick about his health.
Has anyone experienced a MLCer gaining such weight in such a short space of time, after leaving. I would have thought he would have lost weight with a new relationship only six months in. I now think this is why he's diverted his mail because he knows he looks so bad. I on the other hand have lost weight and look the best I have in years since he's gone.
I am in the middle of reading DR and stopped contacting him weeks ago. I'll send a very short email to him next month saying I hope he's ok. I feel sorry for us all going through this, his parents are devastated too but most of all I feel desperately sorry for him.
