So today is 18 months since BD. It's crazy how long ago that it seems. I'm not sure if many are here still that would remember me or my story. I posted regularly through my separation but my XW was reading it every step of the way. After she called me out, I stopped and then switched to a new username, which I found out months later she was still watching. So, I decided that by the time she confronted me on this username, I didn't really need the support from this place and have stepped away.
I'm not sure what compelled me to post this, but I felt like anyone still around would be interested in an update.
My life is good. In fact it's REALLY good. - I've been dating a new girl for about 10 months and things are going incredibly well. She's moved in with me and I couldn't be happier about the state of the relationship. The biggest difference in this relationship and the previous one is in the way that we are able to communicate with each other. I've learned that if there is a disagreement, the solution isn't about defending my position, it's about hearing the other side and determining what to do better the next time together. One example was that I came home late one night and GF was annoyed that I wanted to do stuff on my phone instead of cuddle with her in bed. The next day we talked about it and I could see her side and apologized that my actions led to her feeling unimportant. I explained my thoughts and acknowledged how I could have done things differently. While not a major fight by any stretch, this kind of dialogue helps to cut any building resentment or disappointment so that we can avoid the major fights.
- speaking of coming in late, I've worked very hard to maintain as much of the GAL activities as I can. While I understand that I can't and shouldn't neglect our relationship, I do need to make sure that I retain my identity as a person as well. So I continue going to my game nights and Pathfinder nights. I've also gone out with work friends a couple times. These are things I never would have dreamed of doing while M, and if I did go, I would always find a way to beg off early. Also, GAL with the GF and with my Ds is very strong. There are never days with the kids where we just sit around. We also try to do many new things as a foursome or with friends.
- speaking of my kids, my R with them is remaining strong. Co-parenting is very difficult. I liken it to one of those Top Chef relay races where you pick up a recipe halfway through and try to finish it. There's like a status check every week when I get them to see how everything is going and then we pick up from there. That said, I think I am doing a good job with them. They love my GF (and her dog) and that really makes things easier. I think the four of us work really well together. Also, with having my GF around, it creates time for us to have one on one time with each kid.
Anyway, that's really my life for now. I came here as a last ditch effort to save my marriage. It's clear that didn't happen, and I'm ok with that. By being here, I was able to learn so much about myself and about relationships, and I appreciate the doors that were opened for me because of that.
