A WW? (5)

[lt0402]

W in a noticeably good mood tonight when I got home and when we put D to bed. Didn't talk to me, but we both joked with D. Just put D down and I went downstairs to discuss with her what then MC asked us to think about today. W said she didn't want to talk about it tonight. Then she said if I want to go back then make another appt. then she said she did not intend for it to go how it did today. Then she said, but what she said today is consistent with what she's been saying all along.

Unsure what to make of her going in 5 different directions there or what she means by "I did not intend for it to go the way it did today". To be honest, I feel like I'm being toyed with so I'm not even going to try to read into it. I'm not even sure what I want with her at this point. Again, a strange spot to be in.

I finished up the conversation by telling her I needed a day to think about if I wanted to do it and I would talk to her on Wednesday about it (GAL tomorrow evening). I'm really not sure if I want to go back into that fray with her. I'll discuss with the IC tomorrow.

Don, I did actively seek out a recommendation for the MC. She was highly recommended by my IC and works in the same practice. My IC recommended her bc she is pro M and she, as he put it, can see through people's BS. Needless to say I was surprised by the way the conversation went today. My IC has sent a bunch of people to her and she's had good luck helping them through their issues. Interested to get his thoughts tomorrow.

You are right about taking charge. I let her suck a couple good weeks from me with the thought of the MC and now I feel behind the 8-ball bc I haven't been as aggressive in righting the ship with regards to stuff with D and the house here. I've also let my GAL slack as I've let down my guard with my W. I will not get those two weeks back, but I can guarantee I won't let her lead me this way again. Right now I feel frustration more than anything. Not the same feelings I'd of had 1.5 months ago.

I'm not moving out. I'll consult my L tomorrow about all of this. But i definitely will not move out until AT LEAST a S and custody agreement is in place. Even at that point I'm not sure yet what we will do. Maybe we just sell the house and be done with it.

DonH, I appreciate both the shaking and sympathy from you as always. I'm becoming more hardened to this, but am still not where I need to be. Please continue the shaking as appropriate.

MV, yeah, I agree. Seemed like a long shot but it felt like one I had to at least pursue to get some clarity. Not planning on moving out. Only reason I can think of W not wanting to leave the mbr is bc its a power/ego thing for her. She wants to show she's in control. Right now the balance of control is still with her but I am going to continue to work to shift that. Thank you as always MV, wish there were a much easier way to exit this crazy train.

JR, I agree and that's one thing I know to be true. That my D loves me and wants me around. That said, I am going to be more proactive in getting myself wrapped into her school stuff as that's an area the W has controlled. I need to be fluent in how she operates there so I can help her grow. Also, I'll explore the "D doesn't trust you as a parent" thing W mentioned. May be some truth to that which I can proactively work to alleviate if there is. On the anger, yes, the MC saw that loud and clear. W got worked up in there for a few, plus W mentioned it was why she could not talk to me. W really does need IC help, regardless of what happens with us. For my Ds sake, I hope she gets it. Thank you JR, I'd still offer you explore MC with your W, even after this experience. I think you need to at least give it a try.

Cheesyt, thank you as always for your support my friend. I guess it could have gone worse and an asteroid could have crashed into the building or something! continuing to hang in there. I feel like moving on, but it's like something inside of me is still holding on. I can't quite put my finger on it. I can tell you that with each passing day and each glimpse of the new W, I feel further and further away from her. I'm assuming that's how detachment works, in that it's not a on/off thing but more of a sliding scale. Who knows.

So, I find myself very concerned about custody. I'm realizing that Ws view of custody (2hrs every weekday at her place + every other weekend + me getting to see her in snippets on Ws weekends) is merely a way for my W to keep control. Especially having my D at her place when I "visit" on the weekdays. Going to consult my L on how best to proceed on this. W has been asked to be head room mother for my Ds class again this year (20hrs a week of work) and W is convinced she can get a job to support herself while still getting D on the bus, as well as getting D off the bus seem to point to her being in lala land. Who knows, she's actually pretty smart and maybe she can swing it. I don't have a lot of trust in it though.

Running in the am (I am sooooo looking forward to this and need it right now) and then work and pool in the evening. Appreciate everyone's thoughts and guidance. I need to rework my goals in the next two days. Thanks again!