Last Resort Technique (how long?)

[LiM]

When you say you went dark, did that mean you did not reply to trivial texts (Like the funny youtube cat video she sent, etc)?

What was the length of time between going dark and piecing for you? Was the going dark critical to that eventually happening in your mind?

I discovered my W's A on Dec 30th of last year. I took a week to figure out what I wanted to do and then I confronted her and kicked her out of the house. I THOUGHT we were working on our M while she was out of the house but the A continued. I didn't discover that it had started up again until mid March. At that point, I filed for D. Everything changed after that and we began piecing in April after the A was truly dead.

I think it is absolutely imperative that you detach and go dark (regardless of your past behavior) for as long as it takes. Once we started piecing, my W told me that she wondered why I wasn't pursuing her but then admitted that if I had, it would have only pushed her further away. Instead of pursuing, I work on ME. I worked on 180's and GAL. Your W WILL notice even if you are dark.

You need to become mysterious to her. When she does she you or hear from you, she needs to see a completely different person. Thats why the 180's are so important. But you have to do those 180's for YOU, not for her. If you are doing them for her, she will see right through them. You need to do them because YOU want to be a better person for YOU.

With my W, I only communicated about our kids and I kept it brief. When she does text you, don't respond right away. Even wait a few hours before responding. It will drive her crazy but it works. You don't have to respond to texts about trivial stuff but you can if you want. If you do, don't do it right away and be brief in your responses. You have to keep this up until the A has died. So long as the A is ongoing, there is no point in changing your behavior to become more "available" to her.