Lastly.... The kids and I. The kids are taking this way better than I ever expected. I still get to hear about some of the stupid things xW does, I feel bad for the kids, but realize I can't fix it, as long as they aren't in danger the courts will never side with me. [censored], but I'll continue to be the rock for them.
My son suddenly has some more attitude. I am guessing his personality is changing because of all this, and xW is letting the kids run free around town. But I admire it. I want him to feel like he can stand up for what he believes in, and he can practice on me. We talk and things are good between us.
Me personally... I still cry! At least once a day. Overly sensitive guy I guess. I miss my kids. I miss having a complete home and a complete family. I am in the house, but it feels so different when xW stripped it clean. I have a huge house, but we all sleep in the same room on 2 mattresses on the floor, every night that the kids are with me. I cuddle with them a lot. I interact with them what I feel is the right amount that they know I care without squashing their independence. But when they are gone... I hate it. I don't want to find fun things to do for myself, I want to be with them!
My feelings for xW are not gone, I have to admit. I assume they never will be. The person I loved is gone, dead, maybe never existed (she pretended to be something she was not?)? But what to do with the memories? There are many happy ones, so many! We had a lot of common interests, we did so many things together the 10 years we were together before having kids, and the 11 years of having kids. I loved my wife, I will never say otherwise. But I am moving on.
I cried after I proposed to GF.... Inside my head I quietly said "goodbye" to xW.... That was the end, no going back, ever. She has caused so much damage, so much pain, and for what? I may never know!
