Chapter 4 - Acting As If

[bigybiz]

Zues126 - Your wisdom is so helpful.

For clarification. W was with us at the Dr's office in June when the Dr said to all five of us that:

as a family we should continue to work together in September (boys are away at camp etc.)

W and I need to have MC to learn how to work together to save us from massive legal bills and more anger and resentment. That will only come if we have ongoing meetings with him.

I do get in July that W did not want to work on any kind of relationship with me, after 2 sessions. Despite the Dr's advice.

So in late August I contacted the Dr and set up the appointment for the family. So by no means did I organize it behind her back.

In April, she did not want to participate in the family therapy - but joined when S15 and S10 told her the Dr feels it would be best for us if she joined.

bottom line is - she will drift in and out of the therapy as it suits her.

You bring up the very salient points of my motives.

#1 - Boys and I live together and are working this new reality out on our own - expert help is a good idea. Figuring out what's OK, what's not, what to expect in the future, etc. So it's for the boys and I and D20 if she chooses to join.

#2 - I would be lying if said I did not wish W and I would get into MC and reconcile. I know that this will not happen until she thinks it's her idea.

As I said in my opening - I think it's a bad idea for her to come to a session(s) knowing that she is not going to take the expert's advice.

One of my questions is would it be seen as pursing if I told her/asked her to come. From your answer it would be a Yes.

So I guess I'll leave it as is, unless others recommend something different. If she wants to ask about it - she can.

FYI - no we don't have any kind of document that dictates how we book dentist appointments, etc. If it comes up - I'd be happy to hand over that authority for minor things i.e. recurring appointments, organized sports, etc. I would want "buy" in for anything new. Thanks for the tip.

Currently in Toronto placements in programs like hockey, swimming etc are in such high demand that many kids would not get enrolled if you had to wait for both (separated) parents to sign off.