Here we go again....

[matw]

Hello All,
I have been reading a bunch of different sitch's here and have found a lot of them helpful in relating to my own. So here is my story and I am hoping to get some advice.

I married my wife back in Sept 2004 after a few months of dating. She is 7 years younger than I am and when we got married she was 18 and I was 25.
She got pregnant 6 months into the marriage and we had our 1st son December 2005.
Soon after our son was born she become pregnant again with our second son. Our second son was born Jan of 2007 (they are only 13 months apart).
Now during this time I wasn’t a very good husband and we didn’t have the best marriage. I was drinking a lot and not handling myself like a very good person. While she was pregnant with our second son we got in a big fight while I was drunk and the cops were called.
She moved into our moms house for a few months while we worked on the marriage.
We ended up getting an apartment and were doing well after my second son was born but then we started having issues – fighting, me drinking, no romance, no communication, etc… She tells me she wants out and that she wants a divorce. She moves into her father’s house.
I find out she is seeing another man and I figure that is what lead to us moving forward in the divorce. So we end up getting a non contested divorce after 3 years of marriage. We remained really good friends.
Although looking back now I see that I was way available for her more than I should have been – helping her when he car broke down, a shoulder to cry on when her BF isn’t being nice, coming over and spending time with the kids during her time. Also we slept together twice while we are divorced but she was single and not with anybody.
I never got into any relationships while we were divorced because I still loved her and thought we would get back together – not to say I didn’t have fun just didn’t have anything serious.

This “friendship” goes on for 3 years after our divorce when she decides that she wants to start dating me again. I had purchased a house while we were divorced and she moves in to live with the boys and me. She tells me she loves how I am doing everything for myself now how shocked she is by it( this I think is key and I think where I have messed up) Everything is going great we are dating and loving each other. We know we had communication issues and my drinking to contend with. I messed up and got a DUI early in getting back together this time. I decided for myself that I am done drinking (haven’t had a drink in over 5 years). She forgives me for the DUI and sees that I have changed for the better. After awhile we decide that we want another child and she become pregnant with our daughter who is born March of 2013. We also decide that we want to get married again. This time a big wedding with all of our friends and family (our first marriage was in Las Vegas with just the two of us). We get remarried September of 2014 and were doing great until April of this year.

In April I get the ILYBNILWY and that she doesn’t know what to do. I suggest her going to counseling and seeing if that will help. Also at this point in her life she has a lot a lot of weight and is looking really good.
She is more confident and assured of herself then I have ever seen her.
She also starts working at a gym as the front desk person checking people in.
One of the things she tells me is she isn’t the same person she was 2 years ago. She is angry that I didn’t work out with her while she has been doing it and was making excuses. I tell her that I will start hitting the gym and working on myself as well.
She also tells me that she knew I still loved her when we were divorced and she used that to get me to do things for her (talk about a knife to the heart). So she goes to a counselor for a few sessions and then they invite me into the group. Basically she is ready to leave and wants her space but is agreeing to work on the sitch. So this past summer everything seems to be turning around. I am hitting the gym and while I started doing it as a fix for the marriage I all in love with it.
I am losing weight and looking really good. We continue going to counseling sessions and everything seems to be progressing. We go to Vegas for her birthday and we really connected. I even get an email from her saying that she was ready to give up on our marriage but she loves the man I have become and the man I am becoming.
We decide that we would sell the house we are in and buy a new house together because she explains that the house never really felt like home. Everything seems to be going great then all of sudden she does a 180 and tells me she needs space. She needs time apart from me because she isn’t sure she loves me in that way. She tells me she isn’t sure she ever felt that spark for me ever but got married the second time because it was comfortable and easy. I am told I am her best friend but we don’t have passion.

The current situation is she is moving out to an apartment that is close by on November 10th. I am devastated and try to go into Mr Fixit. I tell her I understand and that I will do anything.
I offer to pay for some of the apartment (I know what the heck???) as long as we continue working on the marriage. I basically start having no back bone at all.
Now she just seems angry at me all the time and doesn’t ever text me or want to talk to me. Currently she is with her mom in MN for a wedding and I have not seen her since Wednesday the 21st.
We have talked a little bit via Facebook messenger but it has mostly been about the kids.
She hasn’t brought up divorce yet and continues to say we are going to work on the marriage when she is in the apartment. I made the mistake of asking her that a lot when she broke the news to me. Also its really strange because she wants me to spend the night there the first night with the kids so they will feel more at home. Also for holidays – thanksgiving/Christmas she is going to spend the night at my house so we can all be together as a family. I know realize this is Cake Eating.

So I am not sure what/how to act when she returns or what to do. My feeling is she enjoying all the extra attention that has come from getting in spectacular shape and also all the guys at the gym. I don’t think she is having a PA but I wouldn’t be surprised if she is having an EA heading to a PA.
So as you can tell I have probably rambled a lot and left some things out. Just looking for some advice and place to journal when I am struggling.