Me and Midlife Wife and Midlife II

[cat04]

Cld,

Advocating violence against women, is not the kind of advice we give on this board.

[MrBond]

I think we know why cld's W had a restraining order against him.

[MrBond]

CT1118
Just talk to your son and continue to make yourself a safe place for him. You're doing well. There is no logical way to take MLC. That's why it's important to concentrate on you.

[Ginger1]

I wasn't sure if I was reading what I thought I was reading. I couldn't believe my eyes.

[Ginger1]

CT when my D was about 5 she was having some issues. I asked her if there was something she wanted to talk to me about. Well, she erupted with so many feelings. I check in with her often to see if there is something she needs to have a heart to heart about. I'm the one she feels safe with expressing those feelings.

Your son feels safe expressing those feelings to you. You are his rock and safe place. Just keep being there to listen. Sometimes all my D wants is someone to talk to and get things off her chest. Sometimes the things are heartbreKing to hear. But you are his comfort and by listening and validTing, you are doing him a world of good.

[CT1118]

Thank you all for the responses and support.

Cld - I know marriage problems hurt people, but here is my viewpoint: I have studied as many variables in my sitch as a can, and the study is ongoing. There have been or are enough WAW's and/or MLC women here, along with other sources, for me to know that what my wife is doing is not understood by her, possibly not remembered, and certainly not personal. The self- justification, defensive positions, and models of argument all fit the script; all of this matches either a drug addict's or a teenager's flow of rationalization.
That said, for right or wrong, better or worse, the woman I write about here is still my wife, still someone I choose to feel love for, and above all things, she remains the mother of my one and only son. I ask that you respect that. Her behavior may be wrong, but it is not evil. I am here to get support which helps ME to improve myself. Thanks.

In other news, I bought my son his first basketball today - spent the morning on the court. Great weather here today and was a whole lot of fun.

[job]

CT,

How did your son do on the court? I think this was a wonderful way to spend the morning playing basketball.

[Lifes Twists]

CT,

I am glad you recognize that Clod has many issues of his own. His personal issues does not justify his actions or advice to others in this forum. His reference to evil is just one of many signs of his own issues.

In regards to your wife I will tell you a short story about mine that may help shed some light. About 4 months after our divorce was finalized I got a text from her asking me if I was happy. This text initiated our first real discussion since the divorce. She said to me during this discussion one very important point. She said that she had learned that she could not trust what her own mind was telling her. This was at the beginning of a very long slow process of her coming out of the MLC. It tells me and should tell others what is going on in their minds is not normal and that when they start to wake up they begin to figure this out.

[CT1118]

CT1118
Just talk to your son and continue to make yourself a safe place for him. You're doing well. There is no logical way to take MLC. That's why it's important to concentrate on you.

No, there is no logic in it. Thank you sir, I feel like I am doing well. I am digging pretty deep these days - both in GAL and in identifying my own core self.

Your son feels safe expressing those feelings to you. You are his rock and safe place. Just keep being there to listen. Sometimes all my D wants is someone to talk to and get things off her chest. Sometimes the things are heartbreKing to hear. But you are his comfort and by listening and validTing, you are doing him a world of good.

Thank you Ginger1 for sharing this with me. I am trying to be his rock indeed, if not his lighthouse.

How did your son do on the court? I think this was a wonderful way to spend the morning playing basketball.

job, we had a great deal of fun. He was much too small to even hope of hitting the backboard (I will be looking for a park which has kid's goals). We worked on his rebounds and passing - which he enjoyed greatly. I did not attempt to coach him, just told him some basic ideas of passing and rebounding and we did that for a while.

In regards to your wife I will tell you a short story about mine that may help shed some light. About 4 months after our divorce was finalized I got a text from her asking me if I was happy. This text initiated our first real discussion since the divorce. She said to me during this discussion one very important point. She said that she had learned that she could not trust what her own mind was telling her. This was at the beginning of a very long slow process of her coming out of the MLC. It tells me and should tell others what is going on in their minds is not normal and that when they start to wake up they begin to figure this out.

Lifes Twists - thank you so much for speaking on my thread. This really does help. It is hard to comprehend from the outside, but I do understand how this could happen. I hope she is healthier now, your ex-wife that is. Personal stories are very helpful, so much appreciated.

[Surfer]

CT Mate,

Just catching up on your sitch. So sorry you have had a crappy few days and I have not been there.

This strikes a chord

"you and mommy would play the song of love again"

Also, the fact he is opening up to you. He trusts you mate. 100% Hero Dad! That little man is all over you! You will bpnever betray that trust so you will never, ever loose it. Also, in time he will get it (he does already), he knows that you do play the song. That's why he feels safe to tell you. He doesn't say this to mummy because she would not listen and would brush his comments aside without validating them, or his feelings. I get similar things. Take the 'plus points' you are 100% trusted by him. He knows what you are doing and what she is not doing. He will not forget you as a total hero!

I know of some very, very smart people who have been through what your S is going through as a child their futures turned out great but all they wanted at the time was a Dad like you to reassure them. Grade A! Take the rest of the week off!

Yes e pain is horrible. Least of all home trying to work out loyalty. Don't sweat that, OM can't keep up with D. Never happens when D is amazing. Chill, be the man.

Also your posts on understanding her? I totally get it. Stop trying. Please. We all do. But just give less of a fcuk please. We sometimes need to just accept, we will never understand the way they think. If you had a dog that keep trying to p!ss on the cat would you want to understand how his mind worked, or would you just look at the dog and think hilarious you are an idiot. I know this vastly trivialises our situations but I just don't think we will EVER understand. They don't even understand their behaviour - I am 99.9% sure. So how the fcuk can we?

Mate. You have just 2 boxes to tick Superdad and Super CT. you are way over 80% - 90% there. The first box is smashed. The CT box only needs a bit of work.

You are doing great!

Surfer.