A WW? (5)

[lt0402]

Ok, so did the MC thing today. I got there 20 mins early and did the paperwork. W showed up 5 minutes early, grumpily asked if I checked in, and then sat in a chair on her phone.

Went in to see the MC and she seemed nice enough. However, I felt somewhat teamed up on in there. MC seemed to side w/ W, but maybe it's me being biased. MC wants us to work towards a S agreement and physically S, which lines up w/ Ws desires.

MC also seemed to validate Ws decisions. MC seemed to brush off the OM situation. W relayed to MC that she had zero desire to work on our MR. I was caught off balance bc that's not what she'd told me in the past few weeks. Guess I should not be surprised.

MC did ask that we work hard to keep D from being wedged in the middle of this. W said she absolutely was not doing that. MC told W she had anger issues and needed to see an IC to work through them.

So, apparently my W has no intention of doing anything to work on this MR. Not surprised really, but I have no clue why she'd ask to go to MC if that's how she feels. Maybe she was hoping for what she got today and that it'd loosen up my stance on leaving the home and my D.

MC wants us to talk tonight and discuss if we'd like to continue w/ the MC, but move down the path of counseling for S and co-parenting. MC wanted to me to acknowledge that my W was saying we are "done". If we don't choose to do MC then she asked if my W would like to utilize the MC as an IC.

Left there somewhat dumbfounded. W walked out and did not wait for me. She went straight to car and drove off. It felt like there was a hole in my chest. I don't think the hole is from my W though. I think the hole is more from knowing that there's really no chance my D has a stable, 2 parent household in her future.

Very surprised by the response from the MC. MC said that unless we were both willing to work on things, there's no reason to do MC to try to R. Less surprised by my W saying there is 0 chance she'd work on our MR. I guess we will have a conversation tonight around the future of the counseling. I've got my IC tomorrow so I'll be curious for his take on this.

Sorry all, wish I had better news resulting from todays MC visit. I feel like I've been sent down a cheese-less path and have been used, again, by my W. It's almost like she wants to show she is the puppet master and can pull my strings.

Guess we work towards a S agreement. Regardless, I keep my focus on myself and D. W can play her games. If MC can help us fix our communication to actually be co-parents then maybe I'll consider. I told both MC and W that I had no trust in W after what she's been telling me the past 4 months. That part is 100% true and I'm unsure how I ever rebuild that trust at this point. Unsure I want to, besides for the sake of my D.

Sad place to be in...

LT
Was just recatching up on you sitch lately and its turning into something eerily similar to mine

It is impossible to be in the same house and I think make any progress whether its on the MC front or pulling away to move towards true separation. And agree she won't see how much you do and respect you more until she/you are not in the same house.

My STBX in MC early on when this started just used it as a way to bang on my head and reconfirm her decision. The worlds issues were all my fault and she had nothing to do with our marriage problems. You may see the same behavior if you go down that path.

For all that is going on ($$ being transferred,living togther, etc...) I can only give you some advice that I followed being in a super similar situation:

-always keep your cool in front of the D. I had a few situations that I did not and it was bad. The kids are smart than we think as my daughter ended up saying "I am glad you won't fight anymore" when we said we were moving on. She actaully has said since I moved out that she is glad mommy isn't here to yell at me anymore :-)

-You have lawyered up which is good. I don't recall the housing situation of moving out etc...but did recommend before don't move until you have anything/everything in writing with custody/separation.

-Do move or she should move. Space is good. I don't know if my STBX respects things a bit more of what I represented in the relationship but I sense she is starting to see all that i did. Yours may do the same once you are not sharing the house together. It is so hard living in that stressful situation and I wish you the best with that....

-Best thing to do which I see you are is when you aren't working on you, your job is to spend as much time (and documnet) with your D. It is the most important thing possible. My D and I are closer than ever right now which was my biggest fear. She doesn't want to leave my house and whether its her just saying it or not, we spend quality time together. While my STBX is getting babysitters etc....to do her own thing. Own the time with your D and plan plan plan.

Rich4j, as you can tell from the above, it sounds like my situation in MC was similar to yours. Extremely frustrating to have a 3rd party in there that validated the Ws behavior.

Appreciate your advice too. I've done a good job of keeping my cool in front of my D as of late. W has done a horrible job of keeping her cool and I find myself trying to compensate for it. To see my D come over and try to console my W when she gets angry over something stupid is heartbreaking.

I won't do anything w/ regards to moving her or I until we have a custody/Separation agreement in place. L has been on the backburner, but it sounds like I need to get that going based on today's MC visit.

I find myself hesitant to move. It kills me to know that my time w/ my D will be, at best, cut in half. It does suck living in this stressful situation, but I can justify it bc I have unfettered access to my D. At this point I've given up almost all thought that W and I can reconcile. She seems too far gone. It all comes down to my time w/ my D.

Thank you Rich! I'm going to think about all of these over the next couple days. Need my head a bit clearer than it is right now.

JR, yes, I see the contradiction b/t those two things. This is the thing that pisses me off the most right now. Unsure how a kid can want to be around and do things with me when she doesn't "trust me as a parent", per my W. Bleh.

Hawk, she actually showed up. I'd of given it a 50/50 chance. But it does appear she had ulterior motives. Bleh.

I need some time to think through all of this today. W says she can't talk to me today bc she's too angry to talk. Regardless, I need some feedback from her. At this point it's almost like I just want to be done with all of this. Is there anything wrong w/ just moving on with my life, knowing that I've done everything I could to fight for my family and my MR? Unsure I'm there yet, but damn this fight seems so impossible...

If she wants to be without me, then have at it. I don't need her stress. I don't need her crazy train. I don't need her.
I only need to keep bettering myself and working to protect my D and build our bond to be stronger. I'm a stronger person than my W and I know that now.