What I found helpful, was setting a challenge for myself in an area unrelated to the marriage. When my husband had his affair second affair in the middle of our marriage, I trained to climb Mt. Whitney. When he left at the end of our marriage, I took up playing the drums (now I spent the last 6 years playing in a punk rock cover band - not bad for a woman in her 50's!).
I found that having something to focus my energies on kept me from being all about my marriage 24/7.
