Newby here, desperate for some advice (thread 5)

[JRuss]

I agree, FG, although I definitely did not intend to give anyone a look-see into my situation that night. The anniversary really got me down, though, so I'm sure I wasn't all that peppy. Honestly, I think the weight loss might have been the biggest thing. I think they were thinking I had some sort of systemic illness and never thought about marital problems.

My W doesn't understand how feelings work, I don't think. She feels guilt and blames me for making her feel it. She thinks I manipulate her and say things that are designed to make her feel guilty. I know we're supposed to validate, but this is BS, and I told her that if I had the power to make her feel anyway I wanted her to feel, I'd long ago have scattered my pixie dust and made her feel like I'm the greatest man in he world. I said I'm actually pretty self-interested in all of this, and my interests aren't served well at all by making her feel guilty, since it tends to drive her away. No real response to that from her.

I forgot to mention that she told me she's not going on a fall break trip with me and the kids. She said I could take them, or she would, but that she didn't want to go together, have to deal with separate bedrooms, etc. I'm definitely taking them. Talk about your no-brainer decision.