My weekend was pretty good. Lots of GAL -- took D12 to her cross country meet, D10 to his soccer game. Took D12 to church (our new tradition -- crazy what an agnostic (at best) Dad will do for a daughter) on Sunday. Worked out both days. Last night around sunset I went out and took a bunch of photographs on my phone then played with filters and cropped them, etc.
W and I did have a relatively mild R talk Sunday AM. She brought it up, which is not our usual MO. She said that she heard from our mutual friend that two other friends with whom W and I hung out last weekend (9/17) called mutual friend separately and asked if there was something wrong with me. I've lost a lot of weight, and they hadn't seen me for a while, and they said I was talking about not being able to sleep well. I don't really remember the conversation they are remembering but think it may have been something general like doesn't it stink not being able to sleep like we used to now that we're getting older, and I maybe chimed in that I wasn't sleeping all that great, too. I didn't think anything of it. I probably was a little down or more somber than usual, though, since my anniversary was going to be the following day, and it had become clear we weren't going to mark it all and that W likely wouldn't even mention it (which did end up being the case),and that was definitely bothering me at that time.
Well, this irritated W. She said if I can't be "less sad" when we go out, then we won't be able to do couples things anymore because she's "not ready to make an announcement" as to our status and "wouldn't even know what to announce".
I mainly just listened. It struck me as a bit of victim blaming. As I've thought about it more, W does get upset anytime she feels anything hinting at guilt or touching on the human cost of her decisions. Basically, I think she thinks we'll eventually create a public persona on the breakup and both say it was completely mutual, and she'll not have to be the bad guy in any of it. Well, I'm not doing anything but what I feel like doing on that front when the time comes, so there's bound to be more frustration on her part.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
