Now I know

[btrfly3]

Wow, thank you all for taking the time to respond. I will into finding a good lawyer this week.

I know you're right, I can't predict how he'll act in this situation. I need to keep repeating that this is not the same H I've known and loved for so many years.

KML - You are so right, I will never be able to trust him. I don't ever want to be in a marriage with someone I don't trust. He was supposed to always have my back.

I'm really struggling with keeping my focus off of him and wondering how he's doing and taking this. I've always tried to make things ok for him. Even when he was wrong I tried to make it ok. I've been reading CDNM and turns out I'm a classic co-dependent.

I keep having conversations with him in my head. Every time I catch myself doing it I try to pull the focus back to me and my journey. I'm tempted to try the rubber band trick to keep reminding myself to stop focusing on him so much.

My homework this week is going to be to make some goals for myself and to stick to them. By the end of this week I am going to let go of the hate. I never want to have hate in my heart for anyone. I think I just need it right now to keep upright. If only I could go numb for awhile. I thought about going on AD but I truly want to just feel this once and move on from it. I'm afraid if I go on AD's that I will just prolong the process. I'm not looking down on anyone that has used them, and I am open if I do need them, but my hope is I can get through this without them.

I bought some candles at a Natural Living expo this weekend. One was for Healing the other was for Inner Peace. I burned the Healing one last night. Not sure how much it helped but I will try anything at this point.

Thanks again for all the reply's. I appreciate them more than you know.