SoEffingLost---Please help 2

[LiM]

I agree 100% with the advice that coconut gave.
Get her out of the MBR and tell her to get out of your house. Tell her you will not be treated this way and so long as she chooses this life, she cannot be a part of yours. Tell her to hit the road. Take half of your finances and put them in a new account that she doesn't have access to.
Then walk away and just stop. Breath. Be still.
I know you feel like you know exactly what you want right now but in fairness, your life is in such chaos, you really can't trust what you are feeling. So give things a chance to settle down. D doesn't make the pain go away and D isn't an instant fix. It is a long, drawn out process that will bring its own pain along with it.
So long as she is engaged in this A, you have to get her out of your life and go dark. And once you have that, you need time to just be. With this time will come clarity. In that clarity, you may find that you still don't want to work on the R any longer. And if so, that's ok. But you may also find that you do want to work on the R. But you won't know how you truthfully feel until you have a chance to push the pause button on all the chaos.