was or what 8

[roist]

Rereading I decided to be clearer in my journaling.

My not posting does not mean Iam inactive. I have a lot on my
plate and I am getting through it. I am also still plugging away on me.




Yesterday at lunch I had the choice of eating at home with Wfor lunch or aroom full of strangers. A supplier of mine invited ckients to a meal but i know v little of them. I choose the strangers. And it went well. Iwas out of my comfort zone but happy to have gone. Usually I rarely accept such invitations as it takes a few hours out of my day. This time it felt right to go mingle. My choice was not about avoiding eating alone with W but more about me.

Iam working on a lot of stuff. I intend to journal more often. I think Imay need some guidance but even just being here has helped me. I don't journal a lot for many reasons. Mainly I don't need to. I may be missing out; n some helpful tips as readers are not aware of the little stuff going on. Maybe I will
mmanage to journal more as the interactions between posters about specific interactions/occurrences is informative and helpful .


Ihave not mentioned my W here yet, so here:goes:

Last night she had a meeting. She came home and gave out about how it was prepared, about who was there and after loads of other issues, about the woman next to her who spent her whole time criticising. Apparently such negative criticing people are hard to put up with!!!! I validated without the truth dart. I avoid criticising my W or her behavior. Is this the best approach?

Sometimes I use my version of a truth dart. For example we were not in agreement over something and she accused me of not listening and being stubborn. I calmly stated I heard her point, validated as much as possible and said it is funny that it is ME that was stubborn for not agreeing whereas neither of us agreed. I ended the conversation on that saying we could come back to the topic when we have thought further about it. This interaction was not recent but just an example of a truth dart I use. Any ideas to improve this?

Today my boys were a handful. This is something I am. Working on and will.surely talk more here about parenting going forward. Iam.educating myself and have some work to do. It is a work in progress. I have discussed this in previous threads and whereas I accept boys will be boys, my role as a father is very important to me and I am working towards being the best one possible. To a certain point I believe if kids do not behave properly it is us as parents who have failed to instill this. My view of parenting and my role has changed dramatically during this crisis and when older I intend to share my learning with them and ensure they are better prepared for married life and life in general than I was.

Before carrying on I will emphasize that my W is agreat mother and deals more with boys than me, mainly due to her working hours, but also she is very motherly.Anywaytoday we brought the boys to a new play area beside their school. There were a few others around including aparent we know. Anyway W lost it with my sons who acted up. The boys merited a reaction but she reacted more about how she felt than how they acted IMO. This was an exceptionally load outburst. I took one of my sons aside
and dealt with him calmly while W let off her steam towards our eldest. If he back answered I intervened to support W. Otherwise I rightly or wrongly
ttend to let W finish dealing with our sons if she has staryed. She does not give me the same courtesy but i am slowly changing that as I feel it is undermining.

i will restate that for the mostpart W is great mother and handles such situations with great tact and technique, at times she overloads.

Iwill talk about me soon. I just wanted to take advantage of achance to journal.