The Woman is Pure Evil

[RDS]

It’s been over a week since I’ve posted. Nothing new to report really. I’m working my butt off to get this house ready to be put on the market. My W is not doing much to help. She has occasionally dropped by early in the morning to give me some cleaning supplies and a listing of apartment complexes in the area for me to move to when the house is sold. I asked her to do that as a half joke/half serious request. While I’m making multiple trips to the dump and scrubbing the house I have to admit I do resent her somewhat for not taking a more active role in getting this house ready for sale. It’s almost like the last few years of our M. I was doing all the work while she sat back and took all the rewards. We’ve lived in this house for 14+ years and were married for 32 years so there is a lot of stuff we’ve accumulated that I am getting rid of, and in the stuff are lots and lots of memories or our time together. At least now she is acknowledging my work whereas before she seemed to be oblivious to what I was doing.

We continue to communicate freely on the phone and almost all conversations are two hours or longer. Since BD we have talked nearly 3,000 minutes on the phone, which is saying something when you consider the first two months we didn’t communicate at all. I am almost always happy when I talk to her on the phone. It’s when she drops by the house where I can barely contain my sadness. It’s a reminder that she isn’t with me anymore when she comes by and within minutes she is gone again. I can’t stand it. It seems as if she is dealing with this way better than I am. I wonder if I had left her as I had thought about before if my feelings would be different than what I’m going through as a LBS. I have to think I would be facing the world in a much better mood.

I know it’s way over melodramatic, but going through our belongings almost feels like I know what someone who is facing death is going through. All the memories of what was and knowing the future will not include us together. Being together for over 33 years is hard to throw away.

One of the topics we talked about today was things we did for each other that we misinterpreted its meaning. For example, my wife wanted to irritate me so she kept piling pillows on my side of the bed because she knew when I came to be I was pretty tired and wanted nothing more than to get in bed and go to sleep. I only need a pillow or two, yet she kept putting more and more pillows on my side. Eventually I would have 5-6 pillows I would clear from my side before I went to bed. I always thought she was being overly nice to me by giving me so many pillows but she was doing it to piss me off. When she told me this today we had a laugh about it. I actually thought it was funny she was trying to irritate me and all the while I thought it was amusing she was doing.

One thing she did say in a rather off-handed remark was how in a lot of other states getting a divorce is so much easier and quicker than it is here in SC and this state is so backwards. I might have read too much into it, but I sensed a sadness in her voice as if she wished she could have the divorce over and done with. I calmly replied that South Carolina is still an old school state and the laws are geared in trying to keep the marriage together as much as possible because marriage is still generally better than divorce. She didn’t really reply to that.

I am sure when I get my own place and out of this house full of memories my outlook on my marriage will brighten considerably.

I just have to get there first.