I dunno, I just kind of feel like it shows me I'm not quite as detached as I should be.
(((Cherry)))
Can we cross out "as I should be" and change that to "as I would like to be?" Please don't "should" yourself, sweet Cherry, this is so extremely hard and I don't want you to put anymore pressure on yourself. Shoulda woulda coulda :-) This all takes a loooonnnggg time. This is your H, your M, your family, your life! You are doing so well in the face of this crisis, you are learning to focus on you, and I believe many silver linings will come to surface over time. You will grow and get stronger, that I do know! Detachment only happens at it's own pace as you move through the motions, we cannot force it. I don't think there should be shoulds in love.
In terms of the L and his need to run it by you. Well I have no idea what is going on in his head, but it appears it is more of his attempt at blame or guilt shifting. He is acting like a coward and is not able to take full responsibility, so if he runs it by you, he has convinced himself that this is a courteous gesture. Also, if he runs it by you and later some issues arise, he is able to tell himself (or you), "but I ran it by her and she agreed." So do what feels right to you, but know that it is perfectly okay to tell him, "no thank you, you handle this as you need to with your L and I will do the same."
In terms of the birth, I would encourage you to come up with a birth plan with those you trust right now. This is one of the most important and vulnerable times in a woman's life, you may be highly emotional, and I care far more about you and your well being than if he is present or not. Unless you can say that it would not affect you if he was in the room (cold, distant, texting, etc) than please think about what you can do to prevent that. I think it is perfectly okay to spend time coming up with some ideal birth plans and then letting him know your boundaries and expectations of him. If he is not able to meet those needs, then you can let him know what he is able to do and not to do at that time. I think the more you can have a plan and other support in place, the more comfortable you will feel.
I am actually glad he has a place. I think when he leaves you can have some peace in your home. I don't like that he is there and comes/goes, and is having this A with your coworker. I hate to plant this seed in your head, but I think when you get to the point of where Sara is (and where I was getting with my H) and you put your and up and say "enough is enough!" then things may change. We see you getting stronger and moving on, but he sees and knows that he can come back at any moment. I think your H will really start to feel the consequences of his actions when he moves out.
Right now he is in lala land and it is not fair to you at all! I would love to see you kick his little arse to the curb and change the locks! No more disrespect for our Cherry, she deserves a man that loves and appreciates her!!!
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
