MLC vs Midlife Reboot

[ciluzen]

So, just another journal and venting a bit.
I'm ok, finally finishing my personal statement for my grad school application. Then just one more essay and the ap will be on its way. Yay! Not even due 'til January.

Then I get to concentrate on my next class and work on some paintings until ski season. Still able to hit the hiking and farmer's markets, so GAL continues. Grateful for those who have shown me what true friends are like.

Took my pup to doggy daycare 2 times this week. I think that the expense is a worthwhile one while we're in an apartment. Especially since its supposed to be a crazy winter.

Not much else to say.

I've been obsessing over H. I knew it would happen after seeing him again. Actually, obsessing isn't the right word. Maybe just having thoughts of him randomly intruding into my everyday life more often than they had. My friends, kids and work-mates wouldn't know. But ever since mediation, even though I'm focussed and "back to myself", I know that seeing him again and seeing his careful, concerned demeanor around me has me back to questioning everything again. How can he act like he loves me and cares about me while divorcing me at the same time?

I can't ask. I can't know. It blows. And all I can do is try to flip my mind on to something else and move on and wait for that feeling to fade in intensity again.