Tell me what to do!!!

[SH_]

Hi Z,

I gotta be honest with you, When you say this,

He says he will not talk to other women anymore and he does sound genuine..more genuine than I've heard him sound in a really long time but he is also quite the liar so I don't know if I should really believe it or not.

After discussing how he manipulates you and you did some homework on the subject, I am concerned.
What does a "Liar" sound like when they are genuine?...more genuine in a long time?

Reading your story it seems kind of all over the place....

Your thread title makes a bold statement.

You have read DB.
Worked with a DB coach
Requested advice here in DB forums

Here is the condensed version of all that you have been told to do....

My general advice would be to reread my homework thread
DETACH and STFU

If he wants a divorce let him do the work.

Protect yourself financially.
Do whatever you need to do for this to happen.

Have you ever heard of AA?
Al Anon for spouses of alcoholics.
Look into attending that.

Keep posting

Lets hear how you are doing this.
you do not want to open any more cans of worms....there is no benefit in this for you right now.
Leave him be and focus on you.

I am going to step back a bit in here to handle some challenges of my own, but you are in good hands with Gump and and Andrew

I'm gonna recommend that you hop over to the threads of some other superstars in here that may be able to help steer you in a proper direction.
Cherry has already been by and can give you good advice.
Phoebe will tell it to you straight but with all the love in the world.
PsySara, is the MVP's of DBers in my time here and can really give good advice.
Painter, Blu and Rose also great perspectives that you really need right now.

Not gonna lie, they will tell it to you straight, but you will understand as you progress why they do.
They also have great compassion for the struggle.
You will benefit greatly.

If I can be of help swing by my thread and let me know as I will be hiding over there for a spell...

You can do this, you have come to the right place....
Be sure to put in the work and the studying and you will know what to do.

[AndrewP]

Zanadoo - SH_ has given you some good tough love here. I just thought I'd pop over and see how you're doing this weekend.

One of the things we do, along with visiting other people's threads and SH_'s list is a great list of where you should be visiting, is "journaling". You have this safe place where you can write out what's been going on in your day. For me, I find that helpful for myself although I do feel sorry for the people who struggle through my nonsense Today I wrote about visiting a local fair and buying honey for example.

So - what has your weekend brought for you? Done anything fun with your wee girl?

[Cherry]

Just a quick drive by, it's the early hours here and my baby brain is slowly closing down.

Please, please proceed with caution with regards to believing that he is telling you the truth. I don't want to hurt you in any way, but through my experience, you would be amazed at the way a wayward can lie without batting an eyelid. My h will still deny having an ea, despite me seeing the evidence. So just proceed with some caution and remember the "believe nothing that they say and half of what they do". This is to protect you.

You might want to have a little read up on boundary setting too, again this is to protect you and reinforce what you will or will not tolerate, but keep in mind that the boundary would have to be something that you can follow up on, it means nothing if you just throw empty threats.

Hope you have had an enjoyable weekend with the little one, and that you've carved a little time in there for you.

[AndrewP]

Zanadoo - Just checking in on you. Do you have the tea ready?