Sara, what you say is truth. I need to get the beginners mind...I need to take action without the baggage...
Phoebe, my crazy friend, if there was someone that would read every word of my ramblings, it would be you.
Phoebe, I do believe you.... I can not accept that I am broken, but I am dented, bruised, battered, scarred, and beat up over all inside. This is why I am going to pull back a bit and try to really heal some of the injuries and wounds... I am afraid that I have been covering up the pain in bad habits created over a lifetime... Thank you for the reminders that the mind is a tricky master when we let it get away form us. I know that I am not the sum total of my thoughts... I am what my choices and actions speak... Self compassion... This is a challenging and difficult thing for me... I am not certain if I know what or how that is... I have tried to study it and apply, but there is much more work to do... Many say this is key to many things in life... Why do I feel more confident and strong reaching out to others to lend a hand? But when I turn to me, it feels foreign and...and, I am not sure. Maybe because I shy away from the pain, that looking within myself adds, IDK... Thank you Phoebe, you are always the voice of reason in my mist of wandering.
roist, Sorry to have kept ya in here longer than planned. LOL But as always I appreciate your thoughts, honesty and candid feedback. I have been knocked down, but I will get back up. No quit here, just get a little slow and need a breather to get up at it again. You echo Phoebe in that my past MR required work and I may have missed on some of it, but I did not give up regardless of the thoughts. I am not the sum total of my thoughts and I know this... I think that is why I needed to pour some of them out....
Your thoughts to keep then door open is one that is in my mind... It is open a crack, hand on the handle to shut it or open it,but the right person will need to approach. Maybe that is more my struggle... Maybe instead of focus on the past and present W, I need to ensure I know what the future W will be so that I can recognize her if she comes to the door.
No need to dwell on that for now, as I need to be the right man to accept that opportunity.
That is the goal.
And oh how you are SOOOOOOOOO right about,
Quote:
One last comment/observation.You seem all over the place with your reflections. I do not mean crazy or incoherent, but rather you mention one issue, then before working fully through that one, you have jumped to another. I am a bit like that. I see the whole picture and chip away at all of it at once. Progress is slow but when it clicks together it will be a complete revamp. Most people function better by focusing on one area at a time.
This is my curse!! The mind can churn up ideas galore... Soon as I sit down to map it out... Poof!!! The same mind does a number to talk me out of the ideas, confuse me with the ideas, tell me I can't do anything until circumstances are perfect...
ALL BS!!!
Just gotta pick one or two out of the hat, go at them like there is no tomorrow and make it happen. If everything is a priority, then nothing is and that is my reality right now.
I am going to withdraw for a spell.... I must unravel this and get the direction and purpose into place...
Actions... not words...
Thank you all for the support and thoughts.
Bless each of you for all that yo doe for me. You can't possible know the good you do for me through your support and feedback.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
