S15 promised me that he would stay thru the weekend. I also agreed to pay him if he would do a good job cleaning up. But as soon as he came back to the apartment after Friday classes, I asked him how his math quiz went. "I don't know." I asked how his acting test went "it was only about terminology". So did you know your stuff? "I don't know."
He then said drive me back to mom's. I looked at him like he was kidding. But he wasn't. I asked him, "you said you were staying thru the weekend?" And he started his oft repeated line - "But you made me change schools, and I don't know anyone here." I was flustered and I told him "A person of character keeps his word. Aren't you a person of character?"
S15's sister drove him back to ExW's. Oh yeah, he didn't clean up.
So I was down that s15 left. What did I do? Did I pick myself up, go exercise? Call a friend? Or go volunteer somewhere?
No, I grabbed a beer and went thru the old love letters ExW and gave to each other early on in our R. I had lunch with my Mom on Thursday, and she asked me to remove a couple of boxes I had stored at her place. The old love letters were there. Yes, reading them re-opened an old wound.
But it helped me remember that we had real love. There was joy. There was excitement. ExW listed 20+ things that she really loved about me. There were promises of faithful love forever. I miss who we both were back then.
There was also a really kind letter from an aunt who has now passed. This was a card she sent while we were waiting to adopt d22. One of her lines was very touching:
"Faith is the bird that sees the light and sings while the dawn is still dark."
I love that. I have faith and hope that one day I can find another R that will give me a different, but still special love with another woman.
